#full frontal ass fish...

[waytoocrispybread]

HER BIGASS FOREHEAD ❤️ ALL WARS BANNED NOW AS THE WORLD gAZES AT THIS GUY'S BEATUY AND POWER

[fullfrontalfish]

:)

[fattestwriting]

Mt. Lady having to regrettably eat an giant octopus villain in her giant form to put him down for good before he destroys the city? (Weight: Blob, Vore: Yes, Gassiness: MAXIMUM.) I'm trying out putting specifications in parenthenses like that to make requests easier and more organic, please tell me if they will work out for you going forward.

(I think the tags are super helpful!)

The city was in ruin as Gigantopus rampaged, his giant form knocking down skyscraper after skyscraper. The only hero within range of the kaiju behemoth was Mt. Lady, but even she was miniscule compared to this thing.

But despite her odds, she leaped into action.

"HEY CUDDLEFACE!"

Mt. Lady began to grow as she ran straight for the huge octopus. She first tried grappling his tentacle before she was thrown off with little effort. The force of the impact sloshed her empty belly around, making it gurgle.

She tried a number of these full frontal assults before frantically coming up with a new plan. This guy had already destroyed the city, no doubt about it, and at his size and his rate of destruction, he could destroy the world. So, Mt. Lady did the only thing she could think to do.

She began eating him. She started at Gigantopus's left most tentacle, shoving the entire thing into her mouth. At first, the cephelapod didn't notice Mt. Lady scarfing him down whole. It wasn't until she realized just how hungry she was and just how filling he would be, and she shrinked down to her normal size, that he felt just how constrained his leg had become. He tried to throw her off again, but that just made her slurp faster. By the time she got to his main body, he was flailing about, desperately trying to kick her off.

When she finished the body and all of the legs and was inching her way towards his head, he began frantically thrashing about in a vein attempt to throw her off.

But ultimately, Mt. Lady won. She ate Gigantopus.

After she finished eating the villain, she noticed two things.

One: Her stomach was as big as the city she had tried to protect.

And Two: The squid man wasn't agreeing with her.

She tried to massage her belly, but she couldn't reach enough of it to make a dent. She transformed into her large form only to find she had now crushed even what was left of the city, and she was getting nowhere with her soothing. That was until-

*PPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFTTHTHTTHTHTHTHTHRRRRRRRLLLLLLT*

From her enormous ass rang a truly devastating fart. She had been worried about Gigantopus ending the world, meanwhile a single of her farts had just killed every single inhabitant on the planet. The force of the noxious green winds that eruptes from Mt. Lady's ass sent fractures across the entire world, shattering it into billions of itty bitty pieces, all surrounded by a thick and palpable miasma of Mt. Lady's stink. It smelt of rotting fish, which is rather fitting considering it's source.

Mt. Lady was mortified by her actions, as even from her vantage point atop a hundred mile tall stomach, she could see the devestation that wraught the Earth. But she didn't wallow in the death of her species and home planet for too long. She was a charismatic young woman after all!

"That felt good! There's no one around to tell me not to, so I might as well let loose a little harder!"

*PPPPPLLLLLLLTHHHHHHHUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRTTT*

Her next fart was all kinds of wet, which was fitting for the gust of wind that would not only snuff out the sun but the whole Milky Way Galaxy. Planet by planet, her one wave of gas destroyed and left nothing but unknowable stink in its wake. Where once there was a thriving planet with millions of years of history and culture, and billions of planets stars moons and other celestial bodies, there was now just one city sized girl, who's stomach still wasn't quite feeling right.

[xxanaduwrites]

DOWNFALL | a.b.

main hub of all important thangs

chapter 5

i've been getting lost in translation trouble keeping up communication we were having fun, now i can't wait to be done it feels like i'm the only one that's sick of playing — lost in translation, the neighbourhood

——

"Hey." I tapped Austin on the shoulder, finding him in the same spot I left him as he waited for me to clean up in the bathroom.

Even though I knew we were on a time crunch — I had lingered around for a bit looking for Sherry for any form of advice I could get my hands on.

This whole trip was throwing me for a loop, and I needed some reinforcements. Of course, the staff told me they forced her to go on break. Apparently she wasn't a happy camper about it — especially since she knew I was on the way. She was far too stubborn when it came to stuff like that.

That woman always wanted to work.

Turning on his heel, he opened his mouth to say something, but closed it just as fast. Looking at me up and down like a gaping goldfish trying to inhale some fish food, he seemed surprised that I actually put on his shirt.

"W-What?" I probed abrehensively, wondering what the fuck was going on in his head, while trying my best to readjust to socializing. After having my first few minutes alone since earlier today, I already found myself comfortably drawn into my introverted behavior.

He also looked really fucking good in just a tank, which made it very difficult for me not to gawk and stutter when I got a frontal view of him.

He cleared his throat. "Nothing." He said simply, diverting his gaze and dropping the matter all together. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah." I adjusted my bag on my shoulder since his shirt was sitting quite awkwardly against my figure. The material felt amazing against my skin. I genuinely had no fucking clue what it was made out of, but it sure as shit did not feel like anything I'd ever worn before. "Need a hand?" I asked, noting that he was holding both trays in his whole hands, literally balancing them flawlessly.

What the actual fuck?

He must have had huge hands or maybe he was Peter Parker who could just spider web that shit and stick anything to his hands like glue.

The mental image of him flipping his hands over with the trays attached to him almost made me laugh out loud, but I kept it at bay — wringing Levi's keys between my hands as a means to simultaneously distract myself and focus.

"Nope." The face he gave me definitely proved that he no longer trusted me when it came to holding anything that could potentially drop and make a mess. "I got it."

Understandably so.

He probably didn't want me ruining his fancy ass shirt.

Because then — noting how generous he was being today — he'd probably end up giving me the one on his back, and yep then he'd be shirtless Magic Mike-ing.

Never mind. You do your thing —Toothpick Umbrella Thief.

I sure as shit knew I'd absolutely die if I saw him shirtless right now, and I was quite certain they wouldn't let him in the building without one, or maybe they would — considering how vital it seemed for him to be there based on what Syd told me.

For some reason, I could only picture him walking around the fancy building with his shades on, throwing finger guns at the people he passed — full abs on display like some sort of action movie. Well, if he had any. It wasn't like I knew. I never saw him shirtless before, but a girl could assume or dream. But I mean assuming usually made an ass out of you and me so.

Alright, again. Must shut up.

Don't you dare laugh — I warned myself.

I didn't need him seeing me go insane and then question me for it.

Sending him a simple tight lipped smile instead, I walked to the door, holding it open for him since his hands were full. I brisked in front of him as he walked carefully and slowly to the car, doing just the same. I felt like a proper gentleman with all this chivalry crap.

Once again settled in the car, now with two whole trays of wack ass drinks — we headed off to our final destination.

For some odd reason, the both of us ended up sitting in complete silence.

I couldn't tell you what it was, but it definitely felt like something shifted between us. Even though we were practically crunched together in this car — we seemed so far away from each other — which I was completely fine with.

Considering the fact that I was wearing his shirt didn't help though. I became acutely aware of his scent quite quickly — some sort of sweet yet musky cologne that I couldn't decipher, but it smelt awfully fresh. It was hard for me to detect if I felt dizzy from my continuous hangover or if it was his cologne going straight up my nostrils and into my brain cells.

The traffic lightened up a little which I was eternally grateful for — meaning we'd get there quicker than I thought. The worst seemed to be over which calmed me down just a little, but I could only hope it would stay that way.

Pulling up to the building, I felt all of my muscles relax. I couldn't wait to get out of this car and away from him. I also couldn't wait to go home tonight and drown myself in a binge session of my favorite shows that I'd seen nine hundred times over to try to get over this entire day.

The security here was absolutely ridiculous. I had to stop at a teller to let us in, and of course Sydney didn't give me the password to move the dumb ass bar thing that was blocking my way in. I'd only ever been in here with her when she needed help bringing all her shit in to set up and organize her office — so of course, I didn't know the code.

"It's three four two five," Austin finally spoke for the first time since the diner.

For a second I thought I imagined it, but when I looked over at him he was studying me with such an intensity I knew he was talking to me.

I couldn't get over the fact that he was sitting here in a muscle tee, holding two trays of coffees. It was giving — 'I lift trays of coffee at the gym.' Instead of, 'I am an important business man, look at me rock and roll."

"Thanks," I managed robotically, before typing in the code.

The bar went up with ease. Of course it did. He'd probably been here plenty of times before. Should have just asked him. I figured it was a piece of my pride that left me feeling inclined to show that I could handle something so simple on my own after the key and coffee shabackles of today.

I probably looked like a total clueless cluts to him.

That's what I looked like to everyone anyways.

After parking in a spot, we both got out. I opened the door for him again to which he graced me with a nod. When we entered the building, the receptionist behind the front desk didn't bother to look up from what she was doing — practically entranced by her computer — typing away like her life depended on it.

"Um," I began. "Excuse me?"

"How can I help you?" She asked, looking like she couldn't be bothered — still staring at her stupid computer.

"I'm here to drop off drinks for a meeting on the third floor," I explained, my foot tapping impatiently against the tiled floor.

"Hm." She took in my words, but I could already tell she didn't believe me — suspicion etched into her brows. "I'll have to call up and confirm that."

What did she think I was poisoning them with? It was coffee for crying out loud. If anything they were poisoning themselves with all the funky flavors, syrups, and shit they were dowsing their drinks in.

"Hi." Austin materialized at my side, placing one of the trays down so he could lean an elbow on the counter. "I'm sorry," He apologized meekly. "I have a meeting that I'm unfortunately late to due to circumstances that were out of my control and under the control of your supervisors."

Here we fucking go.

Christ almighty.

In complete contrast to me, he sounded way too nice. If I said such a thing, I would've most definitely sounded like a total bitch right about now.

The woman immediately looked up at the sound of his voice. "Oh!" A wave of recognition washed over her once stale features. "Yes of course. We are so unbelievably sorry about that." She jumped out of her seat like she just won millions of dollars in the lottery, reaching for a clipboard and checking something off. "Mr. Butler, yes?" she asked.

Mr. Butler.

Goodbye.

"That would be me," he confirmed, doing that hand chin thing again—his eyes looking around the building. "and please, it's Austin."

"Right. Sorry, Mr. Bu —" Whisking around the desk, she looked absolutely flustered. Totally perplexed as she drank in the tray of drinks braced on his hand. "Austin," she corrected herself. "Right this way, sir."

Austin didn't move a single muscle as she began to try to lead him down the hall. "She's with me." He stated flatly, bracing a hand on my back out of instinct so I could step forward — bringing me to her attention.

I immediately gulped at the contact, wringing my hands together and sending her a smile that read — 'That is in fact right bitch.'

Why did this feel more like a nightclub — where Austin was some esteemed VIP member —instead of an office building for journalists, literary buffs, and gossipers?

The 'bouncer' — if you will — blinked her eyes a few times, judging me from afar, as if she couldn't fathom that we were a package deal who came here together. Let alone understand how she was giving me permission or access to go up with him. Yet, she didn't even bat an eye at Austin's strange attire that clearly became completely unprofessional with just one article taken off.

I figured he had to be some very important person — hence the VIP thing — around here, or she was just charmed by his looks and charisma — letting whatever he did slide. In her eyes and the eyes of everyone else in this establishment, he could probably do no wrong.

Once she was done gaping at this notion, she nodded her head, insisting us to follow her – trapping me in another confined space with this man.

Great.

Just lovely.

This time, I took the tray from the desk that Austin put down only a moment prior to look like I had a purpose — which I did, but of course Miss. I'll-bend-over-backwards-for-this-man-and-this-man-only, surely still didn't believe so. Austin didn't bother to stop me or take the tray from my hands — seeming to pick up the queue that we needed to look like a united front.

We followed the lady into a nearby elevator to begin our trip upwards to the third floor. With her back towards us, she fiddled with the elevator buttons, giving me the perfect chance to whisper something that had been on my mind without getting her attention. "Mr. Butt-ler," I choked out, emphasizing the butt part.

Biting his lip, he let out a light laugh before shaking his head and sending a smirk my way. "Don't," he warned.

I didn't listen to him."It's quite fitting you know," I murmured, egging him on — enjoying this far too much than I liked to admit. "Carrying those drinks and all like a true butler. Just need to get you one of those funny bow ties, and—" I stopped mid sentence, realizing that I was totally going on a full on rampage and needed to shut up.

Things like this were only qualified to be said in my mind, not out loud on an elevator between a man I only met last night and some random drooling receptionist.

He just stared at me, his cheeks flushing at my words.

Had I embarrassed him?

For a moment, I swore we froze in time just fucking looking at each other like we were in the midst of a very serious and competitive staring contest that depended on our livlihood. Like some survival of the fittest shit. I quickly closed my mouth, rolling my lips as I felt my own face go hot.

He must have thought I was losing my mind.

Good job, Rianne.

Another point for the books.

Third time's the charm, I suppose.

The moment evaporated all on its own when the elevator came to a halt. A random man holding a doughnut between his fingers wedged himself right between us, leaving me obligated to turn away to not look like a creep staring at him absolutely demolishing his dessert.

What the fuck just happened? — I thought as I tried to compose myself.

Something didn't feel right about the way he looked at me. I'd never seen such a thing before. Normally people would roll their eyes or completely brush me off — maybe even walk away or look at me like I had three heads. But, there was a strange glint in his eyes that I could not decipher — making it impossible to ignore.

I let out a much needed breath when the doors dinged open, thanking Eric Forman once again for finally taking me out of – what I hoped to be – the last trap of the day.

Everything after this was insanely chaotic.

I didn't even get a chance to say a single word to Austin – let alone say goodbye to him – before a whole swarm of people came barreling over, assessing him like a piece of artwork at an exclusive exhibit or some exotic animal that just moved into a zoo for a limited time only. They looked like they lined up outside days ago just to catch a two second glimpse of him.

Fucking crazy.

"Let me take that from you," someone said, ripping the tray out of his hands before he could even accept or decline the offer. It was the only thing I could interpret from the commotion and what sounded like ten people's voices talking to him all at once.

Christ.

I suddenly felt kind of bad for him, watching him trying to pick up on every form of question and conversation. If I was him, I sure as shit would have literally shat myself with all that attention. His head was turning in every direction possible. I wouldn't be surprised if his head snapped off or just did an entire three-sixty to scare all these fuckers away.

What actual choke hold did this man have over these people?

While I was taking a second to mull this over, he turned as if he felt my gaze training on him – catching my eye. He must have been thinking the same thing – well not the choke hold part – but the separation. He probably wanted to make sure the coffees got where they needed to be since he bought them with his own money and all.

"Hi," a small voice called from my side, breaking me out of my trance. "Are you Sydney's friend?"

"Hi – Yeah," I immediately confirmed, giving all of my attention and answering to some girl with dark hair I soon realized was holding the other tray of drinks.

Thank fuck.

"Let's go before they notice," she whispered, ducking out of the way, inviting me to follow her.

Without question, I did what she asked, stepping out of the crowd in what must have been the main lobby of this particular floor and following her down a corridor. "Are they always like this?" I asked about her coworkers once we turned down a hall that was particularly quiet.

"Depends," she replied simply, coming to a halt as we appeared in front of what I remembered to be Sydney's office. "Today's been one hell of a disaster though, so the fact that he's here is a miracle."

"So I've heard," I acknowledged what seemed to be the hot topic of the day as she popped the door open, revealing – what looked to be – a hypnotized Sydney staring dead at her computer screen, her fingers typing frantically on the keys as if she was practicing some sort of concerto– for a piano conservatory –like a whole professional pianist.

"Sydney," the girl called out, knocking on the doorframe to get her attention, but she just held up a finger — asking for a minute — keeping herself locked into the screen.

Man were people like machines here just running off these technological devices?

Don't answer that.

That just made me sound like a total elder.

She cleared her throat before announcing, "She's here. It's go time."

That seemed to hype her up because suddenly her eyes detached to the screen and met mine in an instant. "Hey! Oh my god! Thank you so much," she spewed out in less than a few seconds doing that whole mile a minute thing again. "Was it good? Was he nice? Please tell me he wasn't pissed off."

"Woah — No," I chirped out, passing her the tray. "He was fine. Everything was fine."

"Thank god," she breathed, bracing her hands under the tray. Her eyes looked even worse than before and her hair was all over the place with her glasses perched up and two number two pencils shoved into her bun like a school teacher. "I think it will go just fine." She regarded her co-worker. "Bring the cold foam cold brew to Antonio and then the rest go to the main corporate meeting. Oh wait — fuck." Her eyes lit up as she looked over the trays. "I think it's in mine. Wait here —"

"I got it," I said before she'd make a mess. I knew I didn't have the best track record with beverages as of late, but I sure as shit knew I'd handle it better than her at this particular moment — seeing how she was rightfully frazzled. Weaseling the drink out, I switched it without a drop of liquid. "Wait." I reached forward, pulling the pencils out of her hair and peeling off her glasses. "Perfect."

Success.

Now— if only I could have put on a show that good when I was traipsing across Los Angeles with Austin — or Mr. Butler — if you will.

Butt-ler.

Butthead.

Butt.

Mr. Butt.

Mr. Touche.

Mr. Ass.

Priceless.

"Thanks. For everything" She matched the smile that appeared on my face from my mental run down of every variation I could think of to totally obliterate his name. "Okay." She let out a shaky breath. "Wish me luck."

"Don't worry," I assured her. "You don't need it. Everything's gonna be fine now that the worst is over."

"I sure fucking hope so," she beamed. "See you at home?"

"Yep," I confirmed, watching her walk around me and follow her co-worker. "See you."

Before she went right back into her Miss. journalist-girl-boss-ness, she stopped the door with her hand quickly turning back to me. "Oh also!" She must have just remembered something. "Nice shirt!" She complimented in all seriousness, no ounce of sarcasm laced in her tone. "The oversized look is coming back, you know."

Momentarily forgetting what she was going on about, I looked down only to come face to face with my culprit. I was still wearing his mother-trucking shirt. I totally forgot to give it back to him, but what was I gonna do — have my own Magic Mike moment and put on a show for the receptionist and the doughnut inhaler?

And who could forget Magic Mike himself?

Play him at his own game?

Absolutely not.

I was good.

More than good.

Unfortunately, I'd just have to get in contact with him, but I'd have to figure out a way to do that.

Oh shit — Yep, I had his number.

I remembered then that he texted himself the drink order from my phone. All I had to do was search my messages and shoot him a quick text.

Fine. Perfect. No sweat.

Picking up my phone, I went to do just that, but halted the moment I clicked on what I assumed was his contact— finding our exchange under a random number. Leaning against Syd's desk my thumb hovered over the message icon, trying to figure out what to say, and how to properly say it.

I started typing.

hey, I have your shirt bro.

'Bro'— Seriously?

hey there, you kind of left your shirt with me. I got it, dude.

No.

Um.

Butthead, you forgot you left your whole shirt with me.

Maybe I'd make him laugh? —Yeah no.

Immediate no. Delete.

I tried something simpler and to the point —

do you want your shirt back?

That just sounded aggressive.

Getting frustrated, I completely debunked my attempts. I decided to just go back to the store and consult Levi before I made any sudden moves. With a huff, I shoved my phone in my pocket while exiting her office — trying my best to navigate out of this joint.

Rather not spend more time in this building than I needed to, especially when I was already worried enough about leaving Dax and Levi all alone. With just my luck, they'd both turn it into the night club Levi dreamed of if I waited any longer.

In a daze, I walked around the building on auto pilot, my brain plastering the image of his butthead at the forefront of my mind.

Was his gold-chain-white-tank-italian-mafia-boss-looking ass like some sort of drug that everyone became addicted too with just one glance?

Something had to be wafting in the air of this place, and I needed a way out. For all I knew, the people in here were all already infected. They sure seemed to be so.

Totally not paying any attention, too preoccupied thinking about you know who — I stopped in my tracks as I bumped right into someone. "Oh aye I'm walking here!" They pulled off a whole New Yorker kind of accent that was honestly so awful someone from New York would definitely punch them straight in the face without hesitation.

"Oh shoot. I'm sorry," I immediately apologized before looking up and meeting my victim that looked awfully familiar, but I couldn't place him.

He must have sensed how tense I got because then he said, "Only joking. No worries, little mama." Little mama? Seriously? Totally professional for the work place. "You're Rianne? Right?"

Welp, there was my name.

He definitely knew me.

Scary.

It took me a solid minute to register who the fuck I was talking too — but once I took in the one hell of a permed afro on top of his head it immediatly clicked.

Broccoli Rabe.

Holy shit.

Kinda ironic considering he had a broccoli looking head. I didn't piece that together until now.

Man was I good.

Broccoli was truly fitting all around.

How could I forget the dude I was trying so hard to profile just in case he tried anything with Syd and I needed to beat his ass? It was probably this newfound lighting and the fact that I was no longer drunk that completely threw me off.

"Yep. You must be Dw—Brocc— Brock," I quickly corrected myself. I didn't need to remind him of the nickname I left him with when I said my farewells last night. "I've heard a lot about you."

I obviously saw him with her last night, but we weren't properly introduced at the party — which I didn't really mind. From what I gathered, her and him were really lowkey so they didn't want to draw too much attention to themselves. That's why they were hiding in the kitchen, sucking face when no one was looking. I figured that out quite late in the game.

Risky.

"All good things I hope," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Pressing the button on the elevator, I tried my best to get myself out of this conversation quickly. "So far so good." Thankfully it listened to my request, opening with a glorious ring. "Welp, I gotta go. Good luck with the meeting."

"Thanks." He nodded. "Could be a bloodbath." He added before walking around me and down the corridor.

Lovely.

And this was why I didn't work for big businesses anymore — let alone publishers.

Once I got back down to the lobby, I decked right out of there — not even bothering to acknowledge the receptionist who was back at the desk, wishing me a good day.

Yeah, alright lady.

So now you decided to be nice after giving me a dirty look?

Back in the car, I closed my eyes once I shut the door behind me — basking in the silence. Even basking in the frying seats that were truly baking my ass thanks to the beating sun. As I went to turn on the ignition and kick up the air conditioning, I felt my phone ding in my back pocket. The seatbelt momentarily dug into my skin as I tried to retrieve the device.

So much for a moment of peace.

"Fucking hell." I talked to myself — a sense of worry shooting straight into my system.

It was rare for me to get a message since not too many people really texted me, and I barely used my phone half the time.

Finally, retrieving it — I stared at my lock screen that held a message from a random number, but it wasn't just any random number. It was his number. Austin's number. I soon came to that realization as I clicked on it, and it brought me straight to I guess what you could say now was a chain of two messages — now kicking in a new number — making it a whopping three.

Yippie!

Hey, thanks for the ride. Sorry I didn't get to thank you sooner. Hope no one gave you too much trouble.

Welp, there he was. At least I didn't have to worry about texting him first cause he already did it.

no problemo. they didn't. coffees landed just fine.

I texted back quickly, pressing send and tossing my phone on the seat next to me before I could overthink it.

Coffees landed.

What the fuck was that?

And then it dinged again, way too fast. I picked it up immediately reading his reply in seconds.

Good. I'm glad none of them decided to take off again.

Fucking Butthead.

I wasn't sure if I should have been pissed off by the fact that he was clearly referring to the drink literally taking off and landing all over me, or if I should just be happy that he picked up my reference and played along with it. All I knew was that I found it funny. I felt a smile paint itself on my face so tight, I swore my cheeks were burning.

Even though I really wanted to continue playing this game and throw a smart-ass comment right back at him, I refrained. Instead, I told him exactly what I needed too, adding a little thanks of my own since it only seemed appropriate and would be rude not too.

even though i'm still mad at you for paying for those drinks, thanks for helping me out today and saving my ass from walking around with coffee all over me. i owe you. i have your shirt still by the way.

After sending my response, I created a new contact — getting sick of staring at a random number. I quickly added Butthead into the first name prompt.

I had a tendency to come up with funny names for my contacts. Normal names were no fun and simply boring.

Very adult of me.

Butthead: I know. Don't worry about it. I'll just get it back from you next time.

Next time.

Next time?

What the fuck did that mean? There would be no next time. If anything I'd just give him back his shirt in a quick and painless transaction and we'd both be on our merry way.

Why wasn't he setting a time? Did he want me to figure it out or not? Should I've asked him when he was free? No then he'd probably get the wrong memo. Did he think he would just so casually see me around? Had things gone well with his meeting and he now would be working within that same building as Syd? Did he think I'd be driving him again — like some sort of personal chauffeur?

Because if he did, he had another thing coming to him. I would not hesitate to call Sher up so she could absolutely end his toothpick umbrella stealing ass. Maybe Marilyn too. Get the whole swat team together.

All the reinforcements.

Besides Levi of course. He'd probably recruit himself to Austin's team without blinking. I mean come on. I picked up pretty quickly that Levi found him insanely attractive by just the way he lit up like a Christmas tree in the bookstore.

Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Fucking Christmas.

A few different drafts of some not-so-sweet responses flew right out of my thumbs and straight into my phone in a matter of seconds, but as soon as I saw the length of it and how I sounded like a cursing-sailor I erased the entire thing before shooting him a simple 'okay.'

I was in no mood to assume things and jump to conclusions today. Absolutely beat, I dropped my phone and put my car in reverse to pull out of the lot — deciding to worry about it later.

Deciding to worry about him later.

If only I knew then what I was in for.

——

it's just the beginning.... looks like they'll just have to see each other again.

all the girly pops when austin walks into a room like:

see ya soon, xanadu

[fullfrontalfish]

Turtle-headed Sea Snake (Emydocephalus annulatus)

[darkhymns-fic]

You had it coming

"Useless boy, newly-turned eighteen, with barely a gald to his name now, and all he had left was a Stain over his heart. Not even broken, but diseased."

Fandom: Tales of Crestoria Characters/Pairing: Aegis Alver/Vicious, Aegis Alver/Queen Rebecca Rating: M Mirror Link: AO3 Notes: Warning for mentions of trauma, suicidal thoughts, and some dubious consent. Basically, Aegis is not having a good time.

-

It is said that a knight must protect his lady. But Aegis simply listened as best as he could.

And besides, she was not his lady.

The Queen could not leave her chambers for very long, even if it was with Aegis, so proper and upright. For he was the very same knight who trained so early in the morning, his spear work unparalleled to many except for the curved sword of Leon’s. But even the palace could get cold and dark, filled with guards who went lax in their duty, and whom Aegis would not reprimand until the very next day. Although lately, that had barely been an issue.

“You will listen to me blather the whole night through?” she had asked once. She had been seated at a small dining table, placed near one of the great stained-glass windows of a small library that she regularly visited. Its depiction of Kasque refracted moonlight through its panels, making it difficult on one to stare at it for very long. Perhaps that had been its very intent.

“I will do whatever it is that you ask of me, Your Highness,” Aegis said, standing at guard, one hand clenched into a fist as he kept it level with his chest, just right over his heart. “If you need to speak whatever is on your mind, I will lend you my very ear.”

“Ah, but Aegis,” she said, and he heard the shifting of her dress. Heavy and laden with jewelries that her king had bestowed her, some of them on the very day that he had made his proposal. “You listen, yet, you will not meet my eye.”

He swallowed. For he was turned away, standing guard as he stared at the door that led to the library’s exit.

“I simply do not wish to disgrace you.” He bowed – not at her, of course, with the direction he was still facing. “I understand it can be painful for one to share their grief like this. As a knight, I will not be privy to your tears, for they are yours and yours alone.”

The sigh could be heard so well in the quiet, the space around them so wide. “And yet… have I ever asked you to turn away?”

At that moment, he did not know what to say. His arm aching as he kept his pose, he stared straight ahead, into the stone walls and the door, its iron handle glinting from the light within the room.

The tales she would tell him of her old home, in the outskirts of Medegal, where the seasons could be so much harsher than in the city with its walls. Aegis had already heard her speak of the crops she had helped grow, the way the dirt would bury within her fingernails, working on her family’s farm. Aegis had not seen her when she first appeared at the palace, but it was said, through whispers and frantic gossip that Aegis immediately punished anyone for spreading, that she had still been wearing her brown smock from working in the fields, her burnished hair in disarray, but her eyes as bright as the many rings the King wore.

Aegis had only seen her as his proper Queen, a woman who occasionally missed her home, even if it was in the poorer stretches of the kingdom.

“It is not proper,” he simply said. After all his training, his studying, his devotion, he should know something as simple and straightforward as this.

There were times that he had heard her weep, and it was at such times he would do all he could to keep his fight-or-flight responses down. How shameful it would be of him to leave her at her most vulnerable!

Thankfully, she was not weeping now. But… again, that soft sigh that pulled through the night.

“As your Queen, Sir Alver, I could order you to look at me, through times like these.” There was a sternness to her tone. It was very becoming of her, he thought. “That it would be your knightly duty to help comfort me as proper, when your Queen suffers.”

Of course that was true. Aegis cleared her throat, his polished shoes shifting on the marble floor. “I apologize, Your Highness. Then I will simply-”

“But I am not asking as your Queen, Aegis,” she whispered, stopping him in mid-turn. “I am asking as your friend.”

The doubt festered in him like stage-fright. He tried to not let it leak through his voice. “But, our stations…”

“And all this time, I have called you by your name!” She laughed, and it was then he was weak and finally turned to her. His Queen was still seated, hands placed on her lap, one curled over the other. Stained glass around her, the moonlight making it shimmer, so much so that she didn’t even seem real for that one moment.

Aegis could believe those who could not understand her beauty, how it must have shone through the mud and grime on her first day in Medegal.

“Could you humor me, dear Aegis, and call me by my own?”

Queen Rebecca would not blame him when he stated he must be at his knights’ quarters, before the hour ran too late. She would not blame him when he delegated another trusted soldier to walk her back to her chambers, separate from the King’s.

She would not blame her knight for anything.

--

These sinners had their very own Nation, and all that they would do was fish, cook, and mend their wooden boardwalks that extended over the tempestuous river that they had made their home.

Aegis was not the only one to be shocked.

“And you all call yourselves transgressors?!” Vicious had kicked away at a crate full of dead fish, the stink carried heavily in the wind that brought it straight to Aegis’ nose, even as far away as he was. He covered his mouth while a man went to the cargo and tried to retrieve before some flopped straight back into the river.

“Hey! What’s your problem?! This is dinner for tonight!”

“Unless those are man-eating piranhas, you shouldn’t be wasting your time with it!” Vicious scoffed, glaring at the man as if he had personally just knifed him in the chest without even a warning. No one had ever looked so out of place than he did, even in a city full of what was supposed to be his fellow ne’er do wells. Black hair, streaked with red, seemed to rush from his head like fast-moving tar. “What were you even guilty of? Sitting your ass on the toilet too long before your wife called the Enforcers on ya?”

“The hell? I don’t even have a wife!”

“Blah blah, whatever.” The Great Transgressor gave a great sigh, as if it pulled down his very bones to sink into the water. “I feel too depressed to even drink.”

Aegis just wanted to be away from it all. To be sitting in a den full of transgressors who had evaded punishment, to have had to disobey his very oath as a knight, to his king and to his-

A sharp pain in his chest. I can’t think back to that.

Seated near the edge of a stall, seemingly abandoned, Aegis had evaded much of Kanata’s frustrating attempts at being so-called comrades and was even grateful to the clearly deranged girl he was with to drag him away. He had no escape, unless he could merely just swim out of here, but he knew it would be no easy feat, not with whatever means they had done to get into the Nation of Sin in the first place.

He shifted back, heard the clinking of glass suddenly. He turned to find a crate full of colored bottles. Alcohol? Does this so-called Nation also have a brewery? Such petty sins would indeed make sense to them. He only reached forward to see just what exact quality it contained-

“Hey! Gimme that!” Vicious knocked Aegis roughly aside to the boardwalk, snatching the bottle from his head. “Hehehe, finally!”

“E-Excuse me!” Aegis shouted, his balance completely ruined as he struggled to at least sit back up with some form of decorum.

“What? You wantin’ some, knighty boy?” Vicious grinned, shaking the bottle by its neck at Aegis. “That’s not against your moral code? Actually, you even old enough?” A cackle. “Either way, I get first sips.”

“That is not the issue!” Although, drinking alcohol so ruthlessly, without any regard to responsibility, was an issue all on its own, but that wasn’t the point!

The Great Transgressor took a swig, head back, one hand on his bare hip. It was like he showed off that Stain of Guilt of his so gleefully, imprinted over his navel and carved deep into the flesh like a brand. 

When it came to transgressors, this was what Aegis pictured. One who showed no remorse, no sympathy, and paraded around their sins like a banner. Nothing like the people who lived here, their own brands like unassuming tattoos.

Meanwhile, Aegis’ own still burned underneath his vest. To think he could be in the same category as-

Vicious grimaced just then, followed by a sputter straight into Aegis’ face who took the frontal assault of the spray of alcohol that the Great Trangressor spat out. “Ugh! This stuff’s weak!”

“Y-You-! How could you-?!” Aegis stuttered, wiping away at his brow in pure disgust.

Vicious glanced to the ex-knight. “Oh, still here?” A low laugh that traveled through the chest. “If you wanted to share, you should have just said! You can have the rest of it. Seems perfect for your type.” He tossed the bottle at him with all the effort of a bored bartender.

Aegis only barely caught it in time, tipping up the head accidentally to have it soak through his uniform. “I, I didn’t want this!”

“No need to thank me!” Vicious grinned before bending down, hands at his hips. That searing grin, too close, and Aegis once again lost his composure and flinched back. “But if you’re gonna drink your sorrows away for lost love, you should just get it over with.”

Aegis was silent, only hearing the swaying of the water at the docks, thick and overbearing. A fist tightened over the bottle.

“Ah, not gonna admit it still? Fine, fine.” From how close he was, his Stain of Guilt continued to burn within the sunlight. It was hard to look away, despite the disgust building within Aegis like a sickness. That was what it was. That was it. “You’d probably fit in with the rest of these nobodies then. Such a pisswater place…”

“I am not…one of them,” Aegis blurted out, but with hesitance still. And…yet…

The smile on Vicious was stinging, not like a dagger, but something worse. It could still draw so much blood all the same. “That’s not what the good people think,” he said. He lifted up his hand, thumb and forefinger out as he pointed it at Aegis’ face. “Show them a different angle, and they turn on you faster than you can fucking blink.”

Aegis was not sure why Vicious was talking with him, or why he was letting him be this close. Still, the water sloshed beneath them, rushing against the wood of the docks. “And that is the same with you?” he challenged. “Your reputation isn’t deserved?”

“Ha! Nah, it’s deserved very much. But you know, people still don’t get things right, and that gets a little frustrating after a few years.” Vicious’ grin was just a permanent fixture on his face, like a crack made within stone. “People are still fucking cowards in the end, but you know that.”

It didn’t mean anything, and it shouldn’t have set something awful in Aegis’ throat, the bottle still held in his hand. But before he could say anything back, Vicious stood up, already giving a wave.

“See ya! Make sure to take in slow sips. Don’t wanna get those hiccups.” And the darkness that was him moved, but still Aegis kept feeling the shadows shift. 

Still, he couldn’t escape it.

--

The Queen had specifically requested for him, he was told.

“She sounded distressed,” spoke one of his knights, head slightly inclined, his eyes half-covered by the helm he wore. Many of his men were obedient, letting little sway them, but he could admit that at times, it unnerved him, that obediency. But that only meant he had more to learn and strive for.

“I will go to her then,” he reassured. After traveling to the palace, passing underneath the painted windows, Kasque looking down on all, Aegis was soon at the door to the Queen’s chambers. Plush carpet of the hallways softened his footsteps, but the occasional clang of his spear echoed within the confined space.

“Aegis…” he heard his Queen call out, before he had even knocked and announced himself.

“I apologize, Your Highness. I hope I haven’t frightened you. I heard you have been unwell?” Aegis cleared his throat, the hallways particularly dark as he set his spear against the wall.

“Please…help me…”

The voice was weak and pleading. The disturbance moved him to further action. “Your Highness!” Just a moment of hesitance before he reached for the handle to the door, pushing inward. Already unlocked, he noted. The room inside was so dark. What if the Queen had been attacked? Was her intruder still here? “Are you injured? Hold on!"

He moved fast and impulsively, nearly tripping over a bundle of clothes from what he could see in the hallway light. But there was no body within them...

“Aegis.” Always calling him by his name, despite their stations. Her voice was nearer. He raised his head.

They said that the Queen’s beauty was unparalleled, for that is why the King had sought her. Raised in mud and toil, she would no longer be held down by such lowly things anymore. The King had raised her up so that she could be more befitting a role that fit her appearances.

Aegis’ eyes adjusted to the dark to find the Queen standing before him, her form completely bare. She no longer even wore her crown, her hair falling along her shoulders in waves, as dark as the earth she must have dug through for her family’s farm.

He had no idea what was happening.

“Your…Highness?”

She shook her head, a rapturous smile on her face. “Please… even now… you won’t call me by my name?”

He did not understand. His mouth was as dry as the summer air outside.

“I suppose it is hard to break old habits…” She walked forward. By then his eyes continued to betray him, roaming across a form that only the King should be allowed to witness. “Aegis…” her whisper, sliding through his head.

When she reached out for him, a hand brushing against his immaculate vest, trying to unearth a button from its clasp, it was like a spell had been broken. So close, she seemed as unreal as the figure in the palace’s stained-glass windows.

“Your Highness!” he shouted, taking a step back. He had nearly tripped over the clothes ( her clothes?! ) that still lay in a heap on a floor, like discarded rubble decorated in golden filigree. “Wh- I-I don’t… You’re not dressed!”

A curious look passed through her eyes. Still, the hallway light just barely touched her, gliding over thighs and the shadow of breasts. “Yes… It is for you, Aegis.”

“I don’t-! You…are not well. A…. a doctor, I will get a doctor-” And as Aegis turned, he felt a hand, like steel, root him to the floor.

“Why? Why do you still refuse me? You desire me, don’t you?”

His shivering was enough to send his breathing into erratic patterns. He could barely think. “Your Highness, you are unwell.” And like a fool, he faced her again, met with eyes that felt so sharp. He instinctively covered his vision orb with his free hand, shutting it away as best he could. “You are distraught… You are not yourself-”

“I am more myself than I have ever been!” Her voice was raised, just enough to stun him, to let her continue. “Why don’t you let yourself do the same?” Another step forward. Her other hand reaching to stroke his cheek, his hair.

Still, he could only say, “Your Highness…”

“Even now, I can tell you want me. Please, Aegis. Please, look at me…”

She was going to kiss him.

The panic took hold of his body like a parasite. He gripped her shoulder and shoved her back, just enough so that he could breathe. “Your Highness, I’m sorry, you are unwell, I’m…”

He was not brave enough. He rushed out of her chambers and slammed shut the door. The spear he had left to stand by the right wall waited for him.

Hands clenched around its smooth surface. He would not be privy to her weeping.

--

When Aegis had weathered through grueling tests for the knighthood, his parent’s gald that he carried to Medegal quickly running dry, he knew that to waste such effort and possibility would be the greatest tragedy. It quickly became about focus, about drive, about morality.

He had let her die right in front of him.

The Enforcer was not human, a being cloaked in white, hood covering a face that did not exist. He could feel the thrum of energy that made up its existence. The people cried out for justice, and thus an Enforcer was born, ready to carry out its one sole purpose. Even so, Aegis tried to look into its face, tried to see if it held anything else within it.

He heard the rapid footsteps of the man he had saved, moving away. Aegis lowered his spear. It felt too heavy, along with the Stain of Guilt on his chest. “Just do it,” he muttered, knowing the Enforcer would not hear him. It would not need to. It would do what it was meant to do, pushed on by the will of the people. They wanted him to die.

The gunshot had felt like it had been right next to his head, blasting his eardrum, making his head ring. The Enforcer’s cloak billowed, light streaming, a cry that was once again not human, leaking into the air.

“You just gonna continue being dead weight?”

Aegis was clutching his left ear, glaring at Vicious. But the Great Transgressor wasn’t smiling now. The expression was foreign on someone like this, who was boisterous and reveled greatly in his heinous existence. One of his strange weapons was slung over his right shoulder, finger just hovering over the trigger.

“Should have left you back in those tunnels if that were the case, eh, big-shot knight?”

His headache was already dimming, but his anger was mounting. With a growl, Aegis grabbed what he could of Vicious’ collar. But the man barely wore anything that made sense, so his fingers grasped at sweaty skin and tangled black hair, and only got enough of whatever made up the other’s coat. Only then did the hint of a smirk appear back on Vicious, suspect and calculating.

“You had no right to do that!” He shouted too loudly, so much it scratched the back of his throat. “You don’t get to decide!”

“You types shouldn’t get to decide for others either, yet here we are… Bit of a tragedy, isn’t it?” Vicious tapped the edge of his gun to Aegis’ chin, lifting it, the upturned bit of it pricking his skin. He could feel the heat from it, still brimming with whatever ammo was used for its chamber. “I told ya to drink your sorrows away. Not to let it eat you up inside until there’s nothing left.”

“You don’t know. ” Aegis could still feel the warmth of her blood in his hands. It didn’t help that Vicious was warm too, the heat radiating off him like a bonfire. The laughter that had rung out before, followed by terrible bangs in the air that sent off each heartbeat in Aegis shuddering. “I have no more purpose…Not after that.”

He swallowed, feeling the solidness of the gun, how it pointed directly to his throat. He nearly wished Vicious would just shoot him right here and get it over with. Let it be over.

“Your purpose is what you choose, you fucking idiot.” The guns dissolved into red mist, taking away its hint of a promise. Aegis gritted his teeth. “You wanna own your sin? Make something of it worthwhile? Or let it own you and die without even a struggle?”

Aegis didn’t know how to answer. His fingers still kept their grip on Vicious’ collar, or his neck, his hair. He wasn’t sure. But whatever had made him rush to save everyone living here, it wasn’t something he could ignore, even with the pain.

Vicious finally grinned, inclining his head just a few inches. “Or is this your way of wanting to kiss me?”

It was like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on his head. “Wh- I’m not-!” Aegis immediately let go of Vicious, who only cackled. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Hey, I didn’t hear a 'no' there,” and more laughter spilled through Vicious’ words. It was infuriating, even as something else morphed into his hands. Something red but chaotic, it moved like something living, erratic in its pace. Not like the Enforcer’s light that simply pulsed like an electrical lamp. “But if you wanna have fun, now’s not the time. You gotta own up to what you are. No escaping that.” A sharp grin. “Believe me.”

Even through everything, Aegis felt the drive in him to protect. But you didn’t protect her, came the thought, dark and all around him. Or was that just Vicious, close to him again, his sin engulfing all who stood too close.

Aegis couldn’t remember agreeing, but he must have, for whatever Vicious stabbed through him shifted through his blood. It set fire to his heart, where the Stain hovered over, despite all that he could do to cover it up.

And as Vicious let whatever manifestation of sin rush through him, Aegis couldn’t help but think that this must have been what Rebecca had felt, her eyes fixated on him as the sword came down.

Why was pain the only thing that connected them both?

--

“I must apologize to you, Sir Alver.”

Aegis was part of a retinue with the Queen, their march echoing across the stone streets of Medegal. “I’m afraid I do not know what you mean, Your Highness. We are only a little further until the capital building.”

The knights of the retinue didn’t physically respond to the Queen’s question. They didn’t respond to much of anything. Perfect soldiers, obedient to a fault. Aegis would quell down his uneasiness. As long as they did their job of protecting her, professing their loyalty to the end, it did not matter.

Still, he saw the Queen’s uneasiness, but he had to keep his gaze forward. Looking back, he would be assaulted with images he had no right of knowing.

“I was not acting proper with you. It is just,” she said before she took a pause. The circle of guards were around them both, but they felt so far away, as if they were simply a wall of armor. “Perhaps I had misjudged?”

Aegis felt the panic begin to seep through. Why here? Why now? Did she not understand where they both were? “It is through no fault of your own.” He saw the citadel of the building once they turned a corner. “This way.”

“But you have always looked at me, Aegis. Is it not what you want?”

Her words made his heart stop, despite the lively throng of city folk around them. He was a frightened animal trapped within a corner, with a hot torch being held to his face. He couldn’t face this. “Your Highness-“

“Stop running away from your feelings!”

He finally turned and-

-she was on the ground. The sword was lodged into her stomach, one of her loyal knights standing over her with a blank expression on his face, eyes hidden away by the void of his helmet.

Her crown was scattered to the other side, pushed against the wall of the tunnels. Dark here except for the torches that lined the way. The air was musty, kept within for years, of dust, of cobwebs. He couldn’t breathe.

The spear he held was dangled in his hand, useless.

“Aegis…please tell me…”

He tried to rush to her side, but a hand stopped him. It was hard and powerful, and the fingers dug into his skin like knives. He only barely stopped himself from crying out.

“Stop. There’s nothing you can do for her now.”

Vicious, rooting him to the ground, keeping him upright. He was so close to falling.

The hand kept him away from the blood that seeped across the floor like a vastly-forming ocean. No matter how much he struggled, he couldn’t free himself from that grip. (Or are you just not trying hard enough? You never wanted to touch her anyway) . Aegis could only watch the Queen’s skin turn pale, such stark contrast to the dark blood around her.

(Even now, you can’t even say her name?)

Useless boy, newly-turned eighteen, with barely a gald to his name now, and all he had left was a Stain over his heart. Not even broken, but diseased.

--

“Aegis, slow down!”

Kanata’s whining voice had a tendency to pierce right through, but the knight only continued marching forward. There was already a storm brewing up, and while that might be to their advantage to keep any future Enforcers coming their way, it was best not to take chances. Sinners didn’t get to avoid justice forever, as what had been demonstrated quite vividly back in the Nation of Sin.

He couldn’t save the people there either.

“How you have been able to elude anyone for this long, I’ll never understand,” he shot back. Kanata and Misella were still quite a ways off, with Vicious trailing along. He was always behind them now, like a long and snaking shadow, and Aegis hated how his own eyes always traveled there. It shouldn’t have mattered. The only way was forward if he wasn’t allowed to die.

Aegis didn’t slow, walking more as the thunder rumbled overhead.

“Come on!” Kanata whined again. Out of the corner of his eyes, he caught the boy trying to brush his bangs out of his eyes. “Meatkyu can’t even keep up!”

Somehow, it was the mention of the little animal that made him pause. The clouds above him broiled endlessly, endlessly. Aegis clenched his fists, stopping. Just like that, the little animal had skittered right up to his boot, mewling pitifully.

All that they had left, with a name brought on by a young girl’s voracious hunger. He sighed. “We’d need shelter if we’re stopping.”

“Nah, just go lie underneath a tree or something.” And like a ghost, Vicious was right next to him, laying an elbow on his shoulder as if he was a piece of furniture. The way he leaned against him, the way he smiled, a wolf in wolf’s clothing. “Really gets ya in touch with your animal side, right? That’s what me and the kids have been doing.”

“And we’d get splinters every night,” spoke Misella in a monotone, while Kanata tried to calm down little Meatkyu with occasional petting.

“Just burn ‘em up! Shouldn’t have to tell ya.”

Aegis took a step away, leaving Vicious’ side, not wanting it. He. Did. Not. Want. It. “I don’t care what any of you decide,” he said. “Do what you want.”

“Hey, knighty boy! Forget you’re one of us? Or did you leave your Blood Sin behind?”

Aegis didn’t answer. He wouldn’t just leave them completely, not when he was stuck, not when he was cast into the role of sinner, of transgressor, of the man who couldn’t even do his one simple task. He only went off to the side, all as the storm continued to build up, the scent of rain in the air.

His chest ached, just over his heart. Did each pulse set the Stain on him shining? He clutched at the vest, wanting to wrench it off. But then he’d have nothing else. Still, his hand remained.

Ever since then, this was all he felt.

He wasn’t sure how far he walked, or if the others wondered where he left to. It was hard to care, even after getting rid of their Enforcers. It was only temporary anyway. They’d be coming after them again, and with the Nation gone, they had no safety at all.

The thunder snapped above him, and Aegis flinched, feeling just the hint of raindrops over his hair.

“Afraid of loud noises?”

The voice made his heart jump (diseased, worthless, but not broken) , made him turn to find the so-called Great Transgressor near him. So close that he hadn’t heard his footsteps, but maybe because of the storm.

“I’m not,” he said, realizing his mistake in even answering such a question. He could see it in the way Vicious smiled at him, enough to get his face hot in embarrassment. “What are you doing here?”

“Making sure you don’t, oh, accidentally trip your neck into a makeshift noose around here. Happens all the time in these types of places.” Vicious shook his head, tsked so gently at the very concept. “Gotta watch over you kids.”

“Don’t call me a child!” Aegis shouted, and he hadn’t meant to. But the storm was getting louder, the rain pouring harder. He was only trying to be heard. “I don’t need any of your help.”

“Heh, interesting, since you’ve been needing it since we’ve met.”

Aegis gritted his teeth. The best decision would have been to turn and leave, but no, he had to walk up to Vicious, had to face him again, despite the other’s taller stature. The rain continued to fall, damping that black hair, stitched with red in-between, to fall over his shoulders like a shroud.

“Then don’t help me next time! I’ve done fine without you – without any of you! And if you hadn’t been in the city, none of this would have even happened. And Rebecca would have-”

He stopped. The name felt so strange on his tongue, like it wasn’t meant to be held there.

Vicious kept his smile, but it turned unkind, more so as he moved in closer. “Say that again.”

Aegis was tempted to take a step back, but that would be admitting something weak in him, even if he already was. He knew he was weak. “She would have still been alive if….”

A black-gloved hand took his chin. He expected to see a gun pointed at him the very next second, hear the soft hiss of it being summoned from Vicious’ own Blood Sin. The red would engulf his vision, and the last thing he’d see was Vicious’ smile, so close, so close.

“Listen, kid, I thought we been over this. I'm  not dealing with you and your knights’ little power trips of passing off the blame to the innocent ones, poor little shits that don't know any better. Lucky for you, I ain’t either of those. Still, it’d be kinder if you just stabbed me in the chest instead of trying to push off your guilt onto mine.” The grin looked ready to bite his face off. “I asked you if you were gonna own your sin… So are you gonna add lying to your pretty sin list?”

Aegis was shaking, and the Stain over his heart kept burning. He wondered if his skin would be charred after this, yet the rain kept falling, kept the fires down. “You stopped me from going to her!”

A raised eyebrow. “Only after she was dead.” Closer, and somehow that scent of blood was everywhere. It was inescapable. “Right?”

He didn’t want to think on that, he didn’t want, but the hand on his chin held him so tight, made him raise his head to the sky, made the raindrops sting his eyes.

“Let me take a quick fucking guess, you don’t even know if you cared about that woman, did you? Maybe you were using her? Is that it? Using her to make yourself feel all good and righteous and oh so full of justice, because that’s what all you knight-types are. You get off on feeling you’re doing good for everyone while you throw some poor sap to the Enforcers just to get eaten alive. Am I getting it?”

“Stop it,” Aegis was pleading, but Vicious kept holding onto him, kept talking.

“The funny thing about all this, you couldn’t even lie to her, huh? Not even a little bit! Oh, but you can lie about everything else!” 

Vicious shoved the other into a tree. His clothes scraped against the bark, but still he kept his gaze forward, into that smile, that smile. “You can lie to the big bad Transgressor for ruining your life, and to yourself for having to deal with all of this. But you couldn’t lie to her for one little second until after she passed on. Cruel bastard.”

Another shift back, Aegis feeling the tree now brushing against his scalp. “Now, if it was me, I’d have given her roses to lay on her deathbed, held her hand ‘till the end, all that romantic crap. Poor woman probably never got half as much.” Narrowed eyes, so sharp. “Or, ya know, I’d just not let her die in the first place-”

Aegis couldn’t see any more, not when he grabbed Vicious’ wrist, wrenched it forwards to bring him close. He tasted salt, and that was all he could taste at first when he clumsily pressed his lips to the other's. Something choked left his throat, but it was drowned out by the thunder. No one could hear him.

He barely left, catching his breath, before Vicious took over again, giddy laughter spilling from him. “Haha, so that’s what you’re into!” And then it was Vicious taking his mouth this time, and it was as searing as the sin he had plunged straight into his heart. It made him writhe, made him nearly scream every horrid thing against his teeth and tongue. He could feel the grin over his lips, followed by something that just took.

Please, look at me, came the words, and he drowned in it. The rain that fell down too hard, that rushed down his neck, that he could taste between their lips as a tongue moved so deeply through him.

“I’m n-not…like…” he stuttered out, falling back against the tree. It hurt. The kiss bit into him and he only opened his mouth for more of it.

Vicious lived up to his name, at least with the way he touched Aegis, the fingers still biting deep into his chin. Once Aegis’ knees felt weak, letting him slide down the tree, Vicious was over him, leaving him no room to move or breathe, but it wasn’t like he deserved that, now did he?

“You gonna lie about this too?” Vicious challenged, running a tongue over his lips. Voice low, enough to send something shivering through one’s spine but only if they were this close. “I’ll take whatever lies you have left and give it back.”

“What do you even mean by-” Aegis started before there was another kiss, and he wondered then if Vicious would kill him just then. Could he just do it, could he just get rid of this pain except it was only making it worse, kissing him was making it worse and yet Aegis couldn’t stop wanting it. He reached out with his other hand to grip Vicious’ waist, and once again he could barely grasp the coat. Only skin, drenched by the rain.

At some point, he more or less laid on the ground, with the mud coating his once immaculate vest, and Vicious was over him, still holding his chin, still kissing him so hard, and then Aegis felt something press just between his legs. It made him arch up, and only a brief glance caught a knee that was now nudged there, pressing so insistently that only served to confuse Aegis on why it felt this good. Not when everything else burned.

“What is it?” Vicious breathed, and the rain stuck his black hair to his cheeks. It made Aegis stare, captivated, even as part of him knew he should turn away. “Perfect knight, and you never done this before?”

At that, some brief anger. He gripped the waist harder, pulling him down. “I know enough!”

“Oh, so you wanna show me?” And Aegis tried to shut that out, tried to just get lost in whatever this was. If kissing Vicious could just pull him away from himself for even a brief second, if just grinding against him like an animal would do anything at all to make him forget, just make him forget, but her blood was everywhere , but he didn’t mean for it to be his fault. He could have just run away like she asked. But I had never thought that, or had he? Or was he too stupid to think it beyond anything else?

Vicious was moving so close, his mouth leaving trails of heat that soon pressed into his neck. Teeth that bit into skin and it hurt, but it was different at least. Even as the Stain of Guilt over his chest continued to pulse, faster, as if on a rush of adrenaline.

“Go ahead, knight. Show me already.” The knee Aegis moved against stayed in place. He heard Vicious chuckle. “Unless this is how you like it, when I’m not even doing much.”

But, Vicious was doing this. He was, he can’t lie to him. Aegis shut his eyes and tried to kiss Vicious again, furious in his action, a cracked moan leaving him. The ground felt so damp and slippery, but something within him was feeling too hot to ignore or care, and if he could just get to that place, if he could just get it over with…

“You trying to forget?” said Vicious, finally letting go of his chin, but now to press his palm over Aegis’ chest, to the place where it still burned inside him so much. “You still won’t own it.”

“Gh!” Aegis felt something shaking, even if Vicious wasn’t doing much like he said, but it can’t just be me. Then when something released, making him hot, weighing down his limbs, all as he kept moving against Aegis’ knee until his body shuddered with the unfamiliar, he thought, I’m not like this.

In that space where his mind hit a blank, when he tried searching for Vicious’ mouth once more, it all happened too much. Not like this, Aegis, Aegis, Aegis at least tell me you love me even if it’s a lie could you just do that-

In the midst of everything, Aegis pushed Vicious off, letting the rain hit his face. He scrambled back against the tree to lay against. His fingers dug through his hair, grabbing onto what they could.

The pain only felt so much worse.

“Go away!” he shouted, even as he heard Vicious get to his feet. He dared a glance, finding the other already turned away. He barely had a stain on his clothes, the raindrops pattered against his black coat, making it shine.

“Not complaining if you need something to use,” Vicious said. He couldn’t understand that tone. He couldn’t even picture what kind of face Vicious was pulling right now. “But you still need to own to what you did.”

Aegis turned away, gritting his teeth so hard he thought they would break. “Shut up.”

The laughter that followed was almost welcoming. “Well! Can’t say I tried.” He heard him walk away this time, when before he had heard no one come forward at all. “Don’t get lost out here, knight.”

It didn’t matter. He didn’t care. He only hoped the rain would wash everything away. He only hoped that-

Even if it’s just a lie, please-

Aegis stared upwards, and still the rain could soothe nothing in his head. “I’m sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..”

If the other words stalled in his throat, if they were even there to begin with, he still had no way of knowing. Yet he told her, a knight’s every word is a promise.

He never meant to act so kind.

[angryteapot]

Last Laugh

Characters: Reader, Steve Rogers

Word Count: 1485

Warnings: None, I think? Let me know if I need to add anything.

Summary:  You and Steve are workout buddies. But really, you're no match for Captain America, so you're just there for the laughs and his muscles.

A/N: Just something I wrote forever ago, back when I didn’t care about unrealistic workout regimens lol. I re-read it and nearly died from the awfulness of it. So yeah... read at your own peril, I guess. 

Want to be tagged in more garbage? Send me an ask! <3

You stand outside in the morning chill in your thin workout clothes, with your phone and headphones in hand. You shiver, but know you'll be sweating in no time once Cap comes down to join you. You play a game on your phone, enjoying standing still while you can. 

Steve walks through the compound entrance, calling out to you, "Hey Y/N, shouldn't you be doing warm up stretches?" You grin at him saying, "I'm hoping a cramp will incapacitate me so I won't have to run."

He smiles and shakes his head, and you both stretch a little before your run. The compound training area is huge, and you're seriously not looking forward to attempting to keep up with the super soldier. You aren't a fan of running unless it's a life or death situation, in which case you're nearly as fast as Steve and Bucky, to everyone's intense surprise. 

You start out at a light jog, music blaring through your headphones and motivating you to match your pace with the pounding rhythm. You speed up a little, Steve matching your pace. You're finally finishing your second lap around the perimeter when Steve signals to you that he's going to go full speed. 

You're surprised that he stuck with you for so long, considering that your running pace wasn't even enough for him to break a sweat. You, on the other hand, were already overheating and peeled off your thin sweater, leaving you in a tank top. You took a minute to get some water, deciding that one more lap should be sufficient before you collapse.

You're going at a good pace, enough to make your lungs burn and legs ache, but not so much that it's overwhelming. You're not even a third of the way through your lap when Steve breezes past you, shouting, "On your left!" with a shit-eating grin. Ugh, that asshole. Now you know how Sam feels whenever he trains with Steve. 

By the time you finish your lap (about 5 normal-people-sized laps), Steve has passed you up and shouted "On your left!" three more times, each time accompanied by a bigger grin at your glare. 

You collapse on the lawn, chugging water and trying desperately to catch your breath. Steve finishes another lap before jogging up to you with a smile, motioning for the water in your hand. You throw it at his head with a mock glare, chuckling at his affronted expression when he catches it.

You flop down on your back, pulling the headphones out of your ears and putting them in your pocket. Steve smirks down at you, taunting, "Given up already, Y/L/N? We're barely getting started." 

You glare up at him, staring at his stupid muscles and that stupid smirk. "You can workout to your heart's content, Captain. But I'm remaining right where I am. Maybe I'll practice my Dead Man's yoga pose." 

He laughs at your antics, dropping into position for push ups a few feet from you. You lazily turn to look at him, giving him a look that said 'you're crazy'. He only arched an eyebrow and laughed at you before starting his push ups.

You stared up at the sky, catching your breath, when an idea hit you. For Steve, working out hardly ever had him out of breath. Laughter, though, always had him gasping for air like a fish out of water. You formulated a plan and rolled over towards him until your head was right next to his whenever he did a push up. 

When he went down, he held himself effortlessly and looked confusedly at your upside down face next to his. 

"Hi," you said cheekily with a smile. 

"... Hey?" was his confused reply before he pushed up again for another push up. 

When he went back down again, you were humming some song and looking up at the clouds. Steve smiled fondly because of how close you were and how comforting it was just to have you near while he worked out. He continued his push ups, your splayed-out hair brushing his nose whenever he was in the down position. 

You suddenly spoke, so softly that his super soldier hearing was the only reason he heard it. Between your humming, you had whispered, "My ass on the grass," with a slight giggle. He huffed out a laugh, amused at your weird comment.

You continued your plan to hear his adorable laughter until he was paralyzed with it and gasping for air. Still looking at the clouds, you saw a vague rabbit-looking shape and sing-songed, "Bunny with the money, looking for the honeys." 

Steve let out a snort at this, and you were disappointed that it wasn't a full laugh. Time for Phase Two, then. Few knew that Steve "Captain America" Rogers was ticklish, and those that did know were threatened with death should they try anything. You, however, were always the exception from his wrath; only earning the Eyebrows of Disappointment ™ while he playfully threw you onto the nearest soft surface and tickled you until you begged for mercy.

The next time he was in the down position, you whisper, "Abs for the grabs," as you reach under him and lightly tickle his clenched stomach. 

He laughs in surprise, twitching hard as he holds himself up with one hand and swats you away with the other. 

Yes, success! Thinking it was a one time thing, he continues with his push ups while you formulate more rhymes. 

You rhyme his various body parts while poking and tickling said part until he's gasping for breath, his eyes and nose adorable scrunched with laughter. 

You poke his forehead next, saying," Frontal lobe gets the probe!" His face scrunches while he laughs, though still not giving up on his workout. Time to bring out the big guns then...

You suddenly shout, "Pecs that flex!" and place your hands on his pectorals, squeezing the firm muscles and laughing hysterically to yourself. 

Steve's eyes widen in shock as he bursts out laughing, almost falling from his position as he gasps for breath between each laugh. 

HELL YEAH, you are triumphant! When he finally catches his breath, there's a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and you know that you're in for some payback. 

You try to scramble away, but (still in push-up position) he pushes up hard, his hands leaving the ground as he come back down, landing in the down position again; this time with his hands on either side of your upside-down head. You lay there gaping like a fish, half impressed at his dexterity, a quarter aroused, and a quarter mock-fearful about whatever his payback is going to be.

*Image is only used to show the position, no implied appearance of Y/N*

But he doesn't move, only holds himself up as he gazes intensely at you. You swallow, gazing fondly into his ocean eyes. Said deep blue eyes roam your face before looking into your own bright eyes again. He notices your breathing, blush-tinged cheeks, and your slightly-parted lips. 

You swallow and try to joke, "Elbow to elbow!" while hooking your arms around his bent elbows. 

He smiles beautifully and, unable to stand his longing anymore, whispers, "Mouth to mouth." 

The words barely register in your brain before he lowers himself further, his soft lips meeting yours in an upside down kiss. When he pulls back, your eyes flutter open and you roll over, pushing yourself up and looking him in the eye. 

You give him a small smile (because he looks adorably anxious) and move back in to kiss him again. He sighs and sinks into the kiss, dazedly pulling back after a moment and resting his forehead against yours. 

You share a smile, and while he thinks you're moving in for another kiss, you stop with your lips barely brushing his. He glances at you, waiting for another kiss, when you suddenly whisper, "Tongue to cheek," licking a broad stripe up his cheek.

Before he can process what just happened, you laugh joyously and spring up before sprinting away towards the compound. He stares after you in shock before grinning devilishly, jumping up to sprint after you. He has a difficult time catching up to your unnatural speed, but he eventually does, and slings an arm around your waist, lifting you up and swinging you around in circles. 

Peals of laughter escape your lips as he spins you, with you clutching onto his arms for dear life. When he stops spinning, he holds your body tight to his, your feet not even brushing the ground. 

He grins at you adoringly before kissing you softly and putting you back down on your feet. You hug him and grab his hand as you walk into the compound together for your customary post-workout breakfast. 

Glancing up at his satisfied smile, you think you could get used to actually keeping up with him on a run if it ended with playful chasing and victory kisses.

[emospritelet]

Kiss of Life - chapter 9

So for reasons that can't be explained beyond the fact that we're all perverts, @rumple-belle, @thatravenclawbitch and I ended up agreeing to write Rumbelle Accidental Full-Frontal nudity scenes today...

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8]

AO3 link

The snow was thick on the ground, the sky ominously grey with the promise of more to come, and Belle shivered as she stomped along through the drifts, wishing she could have stayed at Gold’s house and curled up beside him with another cup of tea.  And while you’re at it you may as well fantasise about getting in bed with him and kissing everything better, she thought wryly, shoving her hands deep in the pockets of her coat.  Her crush was getting out of control.

By the time she got to the hospital, her feet were numb, but she had walked quickly and her cheeks were flushed, her heart thumping and her legs tired.  She tried to catch her breath as she shoved her coat, hat and scarf in her locker, tying back her hair and going to wash her hands.  The wards were as busy as ever, the flu indiscriminate in its choice of victims.  Belle noticed several missing faces amongst the staff, and the nurses that were on shift were having to run from bed to bed to keep up with the work.  Zelena appeared to be no worse for having fallen in the snow, although a faint odour of soup hung about her as she swept past Belle with a disparaging sniff in place of a greeting.

“Thank God you’re okay, at least,” said Dorothy, wearily brushing a loose curl of hair out of her eyes.  “If I don’t get some sleep soon I’ll collapse.”

“You should go,” said Belle, putting a hand on her arm.  “If you push yourself too hard you’ll only come down with the flu too.”

“Like Dr Gold, you mean?” said Dorothy, with a grin.  “I hear you’ve been taking care of him.”

“Yeah, I thought I’d see how he was doing,” said Belle, and wrinkled her nose. “He wasn’t so good, as it turned out.  Pretty much hallucinating, his fever was so bad.”

Dorothy winced.

“You think he’ll be out for awhile?” she asked.  “This place really can’t afford to lose anyone else if we’re to keep things going.  Whale’s dead on his feet.”

“I’d say at least a few days,” said Belle.  “He could barely stand.  I made him some soup, and gave him something to take his fever down, but this flu’s nasty.”

“Yeah, it’s kicking everyone in the balls,” said Dorothy, with a sigh.

“I’ll head over there again after my shift,” added Belle.  “See how long he’s likely to be out of action.”

“Tell him to keep his skinny ass in bed,” said Dorothy bluntly.  “I don’t want him killing himself trying to come back to work too soon.”

“Well, I can try…”

Belle’s tone was dry, and Dorothy huffed in agreement.  They both knew it would be almost impossible to keep him from the hospital if he chose to return.  Dorothy glanced across at her, suddenly hesitant.

“Look, it’s not really any of my business,” she said.  “I know I haven’t been here that long, but I hate it when some women try to drag others down, you know?  We should be supporting each other.  World’s crappy enough as it is without us making it worse.”

“Oh.”  Belle took a step back. “Did I - did I do something wrong?”

“I seriously doubt that,” said Dorothy, in a dry tone.  “From what I’ve seen you do a great job, more than would usually be asked of a candy striper.”

Belle felt her brow crinkle in confusion, and Dorothy sighed.

“Zelena’s kind of talking about you,” she said.  “In a not-so-nice way.  I’ve been the target of gossip enough times in my life to know how much that can suck.”

“Yeah.”  Belle frowned, glancing around to see if Zelena was present.  “She seems to have taken an instant dislike to me, and I’ve no idea why.”

“Well, up to this morning I doubt she knew either,” agreed Dorothy, folding her arms.  “Seems like she doesn’t like anyone much, if you ask me.  No one female, anyhow.  She gets on well enough with the men.  Or thinks she does.”

“So - what is she saying?”

“That you spent the night with Dr Gold.”

“Well, I did,” said Belle, puzzled.  “She came to the door this morning and just started yelling at me over nothing.”

“No, I mean she’s saying you spent the night with him,” said Dorothy patiently. “As in slept with him.”

“Well I - oh!”  Belle blushed.  “No, it was nothing like that!  He has the flu, for God’s sake!”

“Yeah, figured,” said Dorothy.  “Anyway, I told her to get on with her work and stop gossiping, but you may find you get some questions from people with nothing better to do.  If that happens just let me know and I’ll stick ‘em on bedpan-cleaning duty.”

“Thanks,” said Belle, still blushing.  “So that’s why she was mad at me.”

“Thinks you’re moving in on her territory,” agreed Dorothy.  “It’s pretty obvious she has a severe case of the hots for him, and the fact that the man can’t stand her only seems to be a turn-on for her.  I told him the other day that he’s too polite.  Zelena doesn’t seem to take hints.  She thinks ‘no’ means ‘try harder’.”

“Ugh,” said Belle, with feeling, and Dorothy grinned.

“Well, I’d better go,” she said.  “If you could check everyone in the senior ward has water, and maybe bring some fresh linens?”

“On it,” said Belle, and squeezed her shoulder before walking briskly away.

She filled the water jugs first, lingering for a moment by old Mr Prentice’s bed. His eyes were closed, his breath rattling in his lungs, white beard twitching a little as his lips moved, and she chewed her lip in worry.  Mary Margaret appeared by her side, her eyes tired.

“He’s just sleeping,” she said.  “The flu’s taken it out of him, but at that age it’s not surprising.”

“I hope he pulls through,” said Belle.  “He’s a sweet old man.”

“He likes to tell the kids stories,” she agreed.  “I heard he used to teach, when he was younger.  Probably before I ever came to Storybrooke.”

“Yeah.”  Belle sighed, hoping that the flu wouldn’t make Mr Prentice pay the ultimate price.  “Well, I guess I’d better get on with things.  I didn’t realise you were working today.”

“Wasn’t supposed to be,” admitted Mary Margaret.  “Looks like they need all hands on deck.  You want a hand with anything?”

“You could help me strip and remake the beds in ward four,” suggested Belle, and Mary Margaret agreed readily.

They hurried off, stopping to collect an armful of linens each, and for ten minutes or so there was silence except for the constant beeping of machinery and cool, dispassionate announcements from the speaker system calling doctors and nurses to various wards.  Mary Margaret bundled dirty sheets in her arms, eyeing Belle as she stripped another of the empty beds, ready for the next intake of flu patients.

“You know Zelena’s gossiping about you, right?” she said, and Belle sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Dorothy told me,” she said.  “Apparently I’m having a passionate affair with a flu patient.”

She clutched her hands to her heart, fluttering her eyelashes, and Mary Margaret giggled.

“Well, I’d warn you about the dangers of infection from kissing, but I suspect you already know,” she teased.

Belle bundled up the sheets crossly.

“I really don’t care what she thinks,” she said.  “It was perfectly innocent, and if her mind goes in that direction it’s not my problem.  I just don’t want Stirling to think I had anything to do with any of her stupid rumours, that’s all.”

“Stirling?”  Mary Margaret looked puzzled, and Belle blushed a little.

“Oh - Dr Gold,” she said hastily, and Mary Margaret’s eyes gleamed.

“First name terms, hmm?”

“Shut up,” said Belle flatly, throwing the balled-up sheets at her to cut off her giggle.  “I don’t think he even meant to tell me, the man was pretty much hallucinating.”

Mary Margaret caught the sheets out of the air, grinning broadly.

“I’m teasing,” she said gently.  “And - and I shouldn’t, you’re right.”

She dropped the linens into the wheeled hamper, shaking out a clean sheet, and Belle took the other end, helping to spread it over the mattress and tuck it underneath.

“You like him though, right?” said Mary Margaret carefully.  “I mean I know Zelena has a mean streak a mile wide, but she’s not wrong about that, is she?”

Belle sighed, tucking a corner under and smoothing the sheet.

“I like him,” she admitted.  “I like him a lot, actually.”

“So tell him,” said Mary Margaret, and Belle snorted.

“Right.  When he shows zero interest in me or - or anyone, for that matter?  I don’t think so.”

“You never know until you ask.”

“Until I ask,” agreed Belle.  “And then he turns me down, and it gets horribly awkward, and eventually I have to be transferred to a different department because the two of us being in the same room as one another just creates an atmosphere no one can stand, and eventually I have to leave town because seeing him everyday is too much for my poor broken heart to take—”

“I was thinking maybe you could just see if he wanted to get a drink after work one day, or something.”

Mary Margaret looked amused by her prophecy of doom, and Belle straightened up with a groan.

“Maybe,” she conceded.  “I’ll wait until he’s better, though.”

“Good,” said Mary Margaret lightly.  “And in two years’ time when you’re stuck between who to choose for your maid of honour, remember that I encouraged you to do this, and Ruby was the one who suggested that terrible blind date your first week here.”

Belle giggled, even as she winced at the memory.

“Agreed.”

x

The day seemed to drag, lunchtime taking forever to arrive.  Belle sank into one of the chairs in the canteen with a sigh, wriggling her toes in her boots to ease the ache in her feet.  A cup of tea steamed at her side, and a plate of what was rumoured to be beef stew sat in front of her, lumps of meat and vegetables in a thin gravy dumped unceremoniously on top of a pile of mashed potato.  She knew she had to eat, but her appetite appeared to have deserted her, and she wrinkled her nose.  Deciding to leave the food for a moment, she fished out her phone to call her father, figuring that he would at least be up and about by now.

“I thought you were coming over this morning,” he grumbled.  “There’s no bacon in the house.”

“So get some,” she said patiently.  “You’re much nearer to the store than I am.  It took me ages to trek through the snow to work this morning, I wouldn’t have had time to get over to you.”

He grunted.

“Yeah, the snow’s piling up here too,” he said.  “I might close up early.  Marco said something about a poker night at Granny’s.  Thought I might go.”

“Oh,” she said.  “Will you eat there?”

“Bite to eat and a few beers,” he confirmed.  “It’s Friday night, after all.”

“In that case, I might go and check up on a friend,” she said.  “I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Fine.”

He rang off, and Belle rolled her eyes.  She still wasn’t sure whether she had made the right decision, choosing to move back in with him after she had failed to find work after college.  He certainly didn’t seem to want to spend any more time with her than he had previously, and the house was a mess unless she tidied it up.  She reminded herself that she didn’t have much of a choice in the matter; librarian posts were few and far between, it seemed.  Although that was unlikely to change now that she had moved to Storybrooke.  The town did have a library, or at least it had in the past.  The building was still there, but it was locked shut, and a peek through the windows had shown empty racks of shelving covered in dust.  Another casualty of straitened town funds and cuts in local services, she suspected.  Perhaps the Mayor could be persuaded to reopen, but she doubted that was a fight she could win in the middle of a flu epidemic.

She picked up her fork, poking unenthusiastically at the stew.  It was food, and she needed to eat, but she had little appetite, and the first mouthful seemed to taste of very little but salt and grease.  She wrinkled her nose, but forced it down.  There was an afternoon of work ahead, and the long trek back through thick snow.  She needed the energy.

x

By the time she left the hospital, it was getting dark.  Zelena had largely ignored her all day, which suited Belle just fine, and she hadn’t heard anything further about the rumours of her supposed affair with Dr Gold, so she was hoping it would all blow over by the time he returned to work.  There had been no more snow that day, but the wind had picked up, dark clouds massing, a heavy feeling in the air which suggested another storm was blowing in.  She should really have headed home, but her father would be out with his friends, and she was anxious to see how Gold was doing.

The store was almost empty of essentials, and there were no eggs left, but she managed to buy a package of bread rolls and a quart of milk, which should be enough to last Dr Gold a day or two.  She stomped through the fallen snow on the way to his house, her legs feeling heavier than usual, the wind trying to cut through her coat.  She had left his key beneath the pot on the porch when she left that morning, and she unlocked the door, breathing a sigh of relief as the warmth of the house washed over her.

“It’s only me!” she called.  “Just here to see how you are!”

She locked the door behind her, making her way up the stairs.  He had not returned her greeting, and she was met with an odd sort of silence.  The bedroom was empty, the bed covers pulled straight, and she could hear no sound from the shower.  Swivelling on her toes, she glanced around herself, chewing her lip.  Although she wouldn’t have put it past him to want to check on his patients instead of resting, he wouldn’t have been well enough to get out of bed for any length of time.  Or so she had thought.  Glancing around, she saw that his cane was gone, and she cursed under her breath about the stubbornness of men.

The sound of the bathroom door opening made her spin around, and she heaved a sigh of relief as she heard the tap of his cane, turning as the bedroom door swung open.

“I was about to be very stern with you—”

Her words cut off as Gold stepped into the room, cane in one hand and completely, beautifully naked.  His eyes flew wide in horror, his mouth a perfect O, and Belle heard the whistle of her breath as she sucked in air like it was her last chance at life.  Her brain was screaming at her to turn away, but her eyes seemed to want to open as wide as they could go.  His body was lean, his muscles small and wiry, his chest smooth.  Dark hair spread down from his lower belly, surrounding the soft sac of his balls and the base of his cock.  The two of them were frozen in place, both seemingly too horrified to move, but at last Gold gave a start, the motion having the unfortunate effect of making his cock bounce, and Belle regained enough control over herself to finally cover her eyes with both hands, a squeak of alarm bursting from her throat.

“Miss French!” he gasped.  “I’m - oh God, I’m so sorry!  I - I had no idea you were in the house!”

“No no no, I’m sorry!” she babbled.  “I did call out, but I guess you didn’t hear me?  I - I figured you were still in bed, and when I came upstairs and you weren’t here, I thought maybe you’d gone to check on things at the hospital, and I was about to be really cross with you for making yourself ill again, and I never dreamt you’d be walking around naked...”

She could hear a soft rustle of clothing, and hoped to God he was grabbing something to cover himself with.

“No no, it’s my fault,” he insisted.  “I - well, I took a bath, and I usually don’t bother with a robe if I’m just going to and from the bathroom.  I - I wasn’t expecting you to come back today.”

She could still hear the rustling noise, and parted two fingers so that one eye could peer through.  He had managed to get one arm into his silk robe, but was struggling as he tried to keep himself upright with the help of the cane, and most of him was still naked, visible in tantalising flashes as the robe gaped open.  Belle let her hands drop with a sigh.

“Here - let me help,” she said firmly.

“No really, I’m fine!”

His tone was short, and she rolled her eyes before keeping them firmly fixed on his face.  She stepped forward, grasping the robe and tugging it around him, giving him enough support so that he could briefly switch hands to put his other arm through the sleeve.  He looped the belt, tugging it around his waist and tying it off with more force than was necessary, and Belle stepped back.  He wouldn’t quite meet her eyes, his jaw tight, and she crossed to the bed where his empty water jug sat.

"I must apologise, Miss French," he said, his tone formal once more, making her sigh.  "I had no intention of you ever having to witness me in such a - state of undress."

"You were stark naked," she said patiently.  "And this isn't the eighteenth century.  I don't need the smelling salts and I'm pretty sure my reputation will survive."

He almost smiled at that, and she sighed again.

“I’m sorry,” she said.  “Next time I’ll make sure I get an answer before I come upstairs.”

“I’d appreciate that,” he said stiffly.

There was a moment of awkward silence, and she decided to change the subject completely.

“I brought you some bread and milk,” she said.  “There were no eggs, I’m afraid.”

“Thank you.”

“You should get back in bed,” she added.

“Yes.”

He stalked past her, drawing back the blankets and getting in, and she reached over to feel his forehead, frowning.

“You still have a fever,” she said.  “Would you like me to make you something to eat?”

“Just some tea, if you would,” he said, running a hand through his hair.  “How are things at the hospital?”

“We’re coping just fine without you, so don’t even think about going back before you’re well,” she said severely, and he sent her a brief smile.

“Yes ma’am.”

She nodded briskly, as though she believed his submissiveness.

“I’ll get you some tea,” she promised, shrugging out of her coat.

“Make yourself one, too,” he said.  “I - uh - I could use the company.  If you don’t mind, of course.  In the - uh - circumstances.”

“Well, I figure we’re kind of even now,” she said.  “You saw me take my shirt off, and I saw you in the nude.  Imagine how tongues would wag if they knew.”

Gold closed his eyes with a sigh.

“I’d appreciate it if you kept that little incident between the two of us,” he said.

“Consider it done.”

She grinned at him, and draped her coat over the back of a chair, heading downstairs.  Wind howled outside, and the lights flickered as she made her way to the kitchen.  Belle filled the kettle and switched it on, getting out the teapot, cups and milk jug to set on a tray, and trying to keep the image of his naked body from her mind, without much success.  She told herself firmly that he had been embarrassed by the incident, and she shouldn’t be thinking of him in that way, but she was well aware that her imagination would be having a field day with the images later that evening.

Belle hummed as she worked, looking in his fridge to see if there was anything she could make him for a snack, if he should get his appetite back.  There was still some soup leftover from the previous evening, so she could always heat that through.  The kettle shut off, clouds of steam billowing from the spout, and she closed the fridge door, crossing to pour hot water into the teapot.

x

Gold rolled stiff shoulders, easing back against the pillows with a sigh.  All mortifying embarrassment aside, he had to admit to being pleased that Belle had returned.  It was kind of her to look out for him, and while he was certain that he could have nursed himself through the flu, it was easier and more pleasant to have her do it.  When he wasn’t inadvertently exposing himself in front of her, anyway.  It must have been difficult for her to trek all the way over to his place from the hospital, considering the weather, and he admired her dedication.  Who was he to her, after all, but a fellow employee of the hospital?  She had a good heart.

Driving snow lashed against the windows, the wind moaning around the eaves of the house, and the lights went out, plunging the room into darkness.  Almost immediately, there was a crash from down in the kitchen, and a cry of pain, and he sat bolt upright in bed, his heart thumping.  Belle.

[smokeybrandreviews]

I'm So F*cked Up

The invisible chick in HeroAca, Toru Hagakure, is canonically butt-ass naked all the time. Horikoshi drew her in her hero uniform but, you know, tangible, and she is, indeed, butt-ass naked anytime she goes out to be superhero. The internet i real upset about it because she's supposed to be sixteen or some sh*t but two things: It's a goddamn drawing and its goddamn Japan. School Days is a thing there. The culture is mad different in the Nihon. Hell, the legal age of consent there is f*cking thirteen. There's a whole ass opposition force standing against raising that sh*t to sixteen! A naked drawing of a stylized, fictional, sixteen year old is more than legal and culturally acceptable where this sh*t is published. I'm not condoning this sh*t, mind you, but I'm not going to judge, either. I can't color their media with my perspective because it's not made for me. I can definitely enjoy it, but i understand the content is made divorced from my cultural sensibilities.

Like, I've watched a lot of anime and read a lot of manga in my day. This sh*t with Tooru is nothing. F*ck, man, there is an entire seen in End of Evangelion where Shinji jacks it to a comatose Auska's exposed boob. Like, you see that titty plain as day. There was budget spent on that teenage boob jiggle. Then there's a jump cut to Shinji's hand full of his sticky, sticky, shame. Bro, you see a shot of Rei, full-frontal, fresh out of the shower! Tits-a-poppin, grass-less field in full view. They literally animate her putting on draws. Albino clone ass all on display. These children are all fourteen years old, man! And Evangelion is my all-time favorite anime! Rei is literally a top-three all-time favorite anime character for me. Was i wigged out by her nudity, event though she's fourteen? Nope. When i first saw Eva, i was slightly younger than that. Circling back as an adult, still nope because I'm not Japanese and it's not my place to make that judgment I till love Rei and i still love EVA. Everyone is entitled to feel some kind of way about this whole "controversy" but cultural context is absolutely necessary. What you think is "wrong" might not be the same somewhere else. In this situation, it literally isn't. Legally, culturally, socially; Tooru being naked on that page is fine in Japan. Having a Twatter meltdown over a nude doodle of an imaginary character who presents as a sixteen year old female, kind of betrays your disingenuous affection for the medium.

Did you have a problem when you saw Kid Goku's dick all the time in Dragon Ball? Or how about when you see Bulma's tits all up and through the same show? I think she was canonically sixteen in Dragon Ball, too. Her whole schtick was being oversexuallized. Goku literally assaulted her while she slept because he was freaked out she didn't have a dick. They use her bare vagine to get training from Roshi, man! On a relatively similar note, all of To-Love RU. Like, how is Master Nemesis not a whole ass boycott? Teenage f*cking is the driving theme of darling in the Franxx. The first time you see Zero-Two, she's skinny dipping for a fish lunch. I don't remember any outrage then. Is it just nudity that gets your dander in a froth? Why doesn't grotesque violence? Was the brutality and carnage of Blood C acceptable to you because the kids weren’t "nude" when the bunnies ate them? What about when Yuki and Yuno bone at the end of Future Diary. Was that an issue? Or was it okay because she tried to literally butcher him after? Why isn't the attempted murder as egregious to your sensibilities as the teenagers f*cking? Guts gets raped as an adolescent and Miura made sure you saw that sh*t on the page and, if I'm not mistaken, it made it into the first anime, as well. Not a hint of outrage there. I know Twitter isn't a real place but this sh*t is getting exhausting. Let the Japanese do what they do. You can choose to partake or not. Stop bashing a cat for doing what is absolutely acceptable by their Japanese standards. You look like a clown when you do. You assholes are the reason i didn’t get Lady butt in DMC 5 and i hate you all for it so very, very, much.

[smokeybrand]

I'm So F*cked Up

The invisible chick in HeroAca, Toru Hagakure, is canonically butt-ass naked all the time. Horikoshi drew her in her hero uniform but, you know, tangible, and she is, indeed, butt-ass naked anytime she goes out to be superhero. The internet i real upset about it because she's supposed to be sixteen or some sh*t but two things: It's a goddamn drawing and its goddamn Japan. School Days is a thing there. The culture is mad different in the Nihon. Hell, the legal age of consent there is f*cking thirteen. There's a whole ass opposition force standing against raising that sh*t to sixteen! A naked drawing of a stylized, fictional, sixteen year old is more than legal and culturally acceptable where this sh*t is published. I'm not condoning this sh*t, mind you, but I'm not going to judge, either. I can't color their media with my perspective because it's not made for me. I can definitely enjoy it, but i understand the content is made divorced from my cultural sensibilities.

Like, I've watched a lot of anime and read a lot of manga in my day. This sh*t with Tooru is nothing. F*ck, man, there is an entire seen in End of Evangelion where Shinji jacks it to a comatose Auska's exposed boob. Like, you see that titty plain as day. There was budget spent on that teenage boob jiggle. Then there's a jump cut to Shinji's hand full of his sticky, sticky, shame. Bro, you see a shot of Rei, full-frontal, fresh out of the shower! Tits-a-poppin, grass-less field in full view. They literally animate her putting on draws. Albino clone ass all on display. These children are all fourteen years old, man! And Evangelion is my all-time favorite anime! Rei is literally a top-three all-time favorite anime character for me. Was i wigged out by her nudity, event though she's fourteen? Nope. When i first saw Eva, i was slightly younger than that. Circling back as an adult, still nope because I'm not Japanese and it's not my place to make that judgment I till love Rei and i still love EVA. Everyone is entitled to feel some kind of way about this whole "controversy" but cultural context is absolutely necessary. What you think is "wrong" might not be the same somewhere else. In this situation, it literally isn't. Legally, culturally, socially; Tooru being naked on that page is fine in Japan. Having a Twatter meltdown over a nude doodle of an imaginary character who presents as a sixteen year old female, kind of betrays your disingenuous affection for the medium.

Did you have a problem when you saw Kid Goku's dick all the time in Dragon Ball? Or how about when you see Bulma's tits all up and through the same show? I think she was canonically sixteen in Dragon Ball, too. Her whole schtick was being oversexuallized. Goku literally assaulted her while she slept because he was freaked out she didn't have a dick. They use her bare vagine to get training from Roshi, man! On a relatively similar note, all of To-Love RU. Like, how is Master Nemesis not a whole ass boycott? Teenage f*cking is the driving theme of darling in the Franxx. The first time you see Zero-Two, she's skinny dipping for a fish lunch. I don't remember any outrage then. Is it just nudity that gets your dander in a froth? Why doesn't grotesque violence? Was the brutality and carnage of Blood C acceptable to you because the kids weren’t "nude" when the bunnies ate them? What about when Yuki and Yuno bone at the end of Future Diary. Was that an issue? Or was it okay because she tried to literally butcher him after? Why isn't the attempted murder as egregious to your sensibilities as the teenagers f*cking? Guts gets raped as an adolescent and Miura made sure you saw that sh*t on the page and, if I'm not mistaken, it made it into the first anime, as well. Not a hint of outrage there. I know Twitter isn't a real place but this sh*t is getting exhausting. Let the Japanese do what they do. You can choose to partake or not. Stop bashing a cat for doing what is absolutely acceptable by their Japanese standards. You look like a clown when you do. You assholes are the reason i didn’t get Lady butt in DMC 5 and i hate you all for it so very, very, much.

[beastlycheese]

Puffin

RCIJ gift for the amazing @worryinglyinnocent

Chapter 2

It had started off with a legitimate search for the Atlantic puffin. There were only a few breeding sites in Maine, a handful of islands off the coast. She could get a tour boat from the docks later in the season but she hadn’t been able to cope with the thought of being cooped up with all the day-trippers with their screaming kids, the ignorant tourists out as much for the boat ride as the chance to see these striking birds. Plus, she would have to deal with Captain Killian and his smarminess, all handsy as he “helped” you on board. Rumour was that he also got too close to the island, disturbing the colony all to get the “money shot”. Okay, taking the boat would put a tick next to puffin in her Guide to the Birds of Maine, but she felt like it would be cheating and she so loved to take her time to watch the birds quietly, undisturbed.

So, armed with a map and her trusty binoculars, she had scoured the coast for a good vantage point as close to the islands as possible, with the hope that a few birds had chosen the cliffs on the mainland. Her birding friends, Merlin and Lance, had told her she had no chance, puffin numbers were falling drastically, probably due to global warming. If she did find a site, she must keep it quiet so as not to deluge the place with twitchers and tourists so as not to disturb nesting season. However, they would, of course, be keen to come down from Boston and get a look. That was not going to happen. She should have kept her mouth shut about her plans. Merlin and she had become quite competitive of late. First to 150 species was getting a three course meal with drinks at the restaurant they had frequented while at college.

It was just her luck, of course, that the most promising spots were all on private property, and not just anyone’s but the large estate of Mr Gold. The guy was universally hated. He seemed to be everyone’s landlord and notoriously as hard as nails. No rent extensions, no excuses, full rent on time or you were out. Plus, this was a town where everyone knew everyone and all their stories, while Gold was very closed off, snarky and secretive. No one even knew his first name, many had guessed and failed to get an answer which led to many unflattering nicknames. They had settled on Rumpelstiltskin, the most un-guessable name of all.

Not that she had any problems with him. They had even had some decent conversations about literature. He was a very keen reader and frequent visitor to her library. That made him one of the good guys in her eyes. They even had a running joke about his guilty pleasure for reading westerns. He was embarrassed to be seen with something he deemed to be “popular”. So she either sandwiched his choice between a couple of classics or packaged it up in brown paper. The town, who never missed a thing, were convinced she was dealing in erotic literature. The nuns had stopped attending. Leroy had marched to the issue desk and demanded he see the “under the counter stuff”. The mayor had even requested a full list of all the books issued in the last six months.

Mr Gold may be friendly with her in her library, but Belle knew that he would not take kindly to her trespassing on his land. She did not want to get on the wrong side of him and witness one of his legendary destructive rages. However, the lure of the puffin proved too much. She had been watching endless footage of the comical birds waddling about, brightly coloured beaks brimming with fish. She was determined to see them in the flesh. What she hadn’t expected was to find Gold and his flesh!

Chapter 3

Belle’s bird watching expeditions had quickly started to centre around viewing the Golden Beauty (as she coded him in her notebook). The first time had been a shock. He had appeared in all his glorious nakedness and she had scrambled out of her hide and made a mad dash for it. When she had returned to her flat above the library, panting, hot and bothered, she had been relieved not to have been caught but had quickly realised she needed to return to retrieve her belongings. She wasn’t to know that it was part of Gold’s morning routine, to skinny dip at dawn and watch the sun rise. But it had been. Now watching him and enjoying the full spectacle of sea, sand, sun, surf and ass was her favourite way to start the day. She felt guilty, of course, and called herself all the names under the sun. She woke up in sweats after dreaming of her arrest, her sacking and her imprisonment as a pervy voyeur. Was she in fact a sex offender? Would she go straight to hell? However, it all seemed irrelevant in the early morning sun. It was a purely magical experience, his glittering body just part of the spellbinding beauty of nature.

It was also perfectly innocent. She had comforted herself with the fact that she had never seen his private parts. He had always resolutely been standing looking out to sea and had disappeared round the other side of the rock when he departed. So, he might as well have just been in trunks. Apart from what she had seen of his as, she had dreamt and longed for more. Who was she kidding? She was going to burn!

Now she was even lying to her best friend. She would just have to give up her perverted addiction, go cold turkey, and never see her Golden Beauty again.

Perhaps she could ask him out? No, he would never be interested in a poor librarian with nothing, him all in his fine designer suits lording it in his glorious villa and magnificent estate.

It was time to go. She had the day off work, but she had to leave now, turn over a new leaf, pack away the binoculars, concede to Merlin, take up crochet, re-read the entire library, even go out with that vile Gaston hulk who kept bothering her. She would have one last look and then pack away. It was typical, as soon as she went for her last look, he had gone, she scanned around the rock, no sign, not on the little ledge either. She was despairing when she noticed movement on the shore line.

There he was. Gold, stark naked, full frontal and staring right at her position. He was magnificent and the first sight of his penis made her gasp. It was large, magnificent, stunning, surely sculpted by the gods, sparkling and bouncing side to side, round and round mesmerizing her. She was entranced, enchanted, and then it dawned on her. It’s vigorous movement was being caused by Gold running vigorously towards her.

[bxebxee]

a quick thing.

(1) yoongi, affectionately dirty

x

x

x

The jarring noise of construction at 9:23AM on an otherwise perfect Saturday morning serves as Yoongi’s alarm. Given the fact that he went to bed sometime between the 2AM and 4AM RST (Regret Standard Time), this isn’t nearly enough sleep for his tastes. But he’s awake anyway, and the day is too bright and too loud to go back to sleep. The space next to him is cold because unlike him, you’re a morning person. He guesses that you’ve been gone for quite a while.

A few of Yoongi’s joints protest when he gets up, and they let out feeble creaks to remind him that he’s not eighteen years old anymore.

“Screw you, I’m still young,” he says to no one.

Yoongi heads straight to the shower before even attempting to find you. You preferred him washed and smelling like shampoo rather than his I’ve-Been-Trapped-In-The-The-Studio-For-Three-Days musk. The water feels great on his skin, and he missed using your expensive conditioner with that special oil.

“Morning gorgeous.” Your voice echoes in the bathroom, the sound muffled by the shower curtain and ambient noise of running water.

Yoongi smiles underneath the jet of warm water. He wipes at his face after a beat. “Get in here,” he says, reaching for the curtain. You’re already naked when he pulls it back to see you waiting for him.

You step into the tub and let Yoongi close the shower curtain. Without waiting a single second more, you shuffle up to his wet body and hug him. Yoongi closes his eyes at the weight of your form bearing down against his own, marveling at the comforting sensation of a hug from the girl he loves. It’s nice.

He sags against your embrace, and a long-suffering sigh leaves his lips unconsciously. The water beats down against his back and splashes on you in uneven intervals. You can feel him breathe in even, slow movements.

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” you murmur.

He scoffs affectionately, the sound a mere shadow of its former, acerbic self. “I am wide awake.”

And his hand reaches down to squeeze your buttcheek as proof.

“Exercising going well?” he laughs, fascinated by the impact of a few weeks of your lower body workout regime.

You let him continue to grope your ass with a smug smirk given that one of your motivations for exercising was to give him inappropriate boners. You call it “giving him a taste of his own medicine” because while he seemed to be utterly unfazed by you after years being together, you can never seem to get enough of him.

“You like it?” you fish for compliments.

He hums in response, hand moving up to caress your waist. Yoongi pulls away just enough to look at you in the eye. “It’s very…”

He leans in, mouth hovering over yours, lips not quite touching.

“…very…”

You blink rapidly, heart seizing from the anticipation as if you’re about to get your first kiss from him - a laughable notion considering you’ve fucked him too many times to count at this point of your Serious Relationship. And as much as you’re turned on from the Thing he’s doing right now, you feel just the slightest stab of helpless annoyance poke at a corner of your frontal lobe when you see the twinkle of mischief in his eyes. Why could he never be as Ruined as you?

“…very,” he drags on, emphasizing his word with a small thrust of his hips on top of yours, the jerk. Your lips are parted attractively as you wait for him to finish teasing you, and Yoongi is dying on the inside. But once he commits to teasing you, he goes in full force even if he’s tempted to give up and indulge in a steamy makeout session.

“…sexy,” he finishes, squashing the need to bend you over and appreciate your derrière with punishing thrusts and slaps.

You are miserably omniscient when it comes to predicting when Yoongi would get into the mood to tease you, and right now is that time. He doesn’t kiss you, and you’re not even expecting it even if you want it bad enough to beg him for embarrassing things. (And he takes advantage of this on a semi-regular basis because you are always easy for him, and he’s an opportunistic lover.)

You swallow at his smile when he reaches for the bottle of shampoo, barely moving his body. He’s not even hard.

“Yoongi…” you trail off, the yearning to get screwed within an inch of your life thick in your body.

“Shower first,” he cuts you off before you start begging him. Because once you beg, he really can’t handle you.

Unfortunately for him you are also well aware of the effect your pleas have on his perverted soul. And normally you would let him take the lead, but you spent weeks making this ass, and you wanted some action.

You reach up to stop his hand from putting the shampoo into his hair and hold it under the water, letting the wasted suds get sucked down the drain.

“How sexy am I?” you ask, face burning from the absurdity and shamelessness of the question. “How much is ‘very’?” you continue, “Maybe you should show me.”

“You’re being really cocky,” he breathes and pulls his hand away, desperately wanting to hold your legs apart and run your center underneath a faucet to watch you squirm. “And demanding…”

You nod in full agreement. “I’ve always been demanding.”

He can’t even say he hates it since it’s part of your never-ending supply of charm. Some people had the good fortune of having everything they ever wanted in life handed to them. But for people like you and Yoongi, everything was a fight or an uphill battle, and the two of you have had to demand what was owed when necessary.

Yoongi couldn’t ever be resentful for your avarice, especially if it was for him. For you, he’d gladly give it all.

“I’ll get on my knees if you want,” you tell him cheekily, stealing his thunder. The whole thing is decidedly less bodice-ripper-esque when you offer first instead of him barking orders.

Yoongi makes a face. “The tub is too hard. Your knees are gonna hurt. We’re having sex regardless.”

“I know. That’s why I offered,” you laugh.

“Careful. I might take you up on your empty promise.”

You kiss him, slow with tongue. “You wouldn’t.”

[its-negans-lucille]

Wounds - Part One

THIS IS A REUPLOAD

Masterlist

Prompt: You found Negan in a sticky situation and you help him out of it - Prompt via the wonderful @perseusandmedusa

Ships: Negan x Reader Words: 1,106 Warnings: Curses, gore

***

You were covered in reeking Walker guts. Your eyes were watering from the smell as you attempted to only breathe through your mouth. You only had a small way to go before you came across the quaint cabin that your family had once vacationed in. You could see it in your mind’s eye.

The two bedroom cabin with a dark, oak wood panelling on the outside. There was a large lake that your father used to take you fishing on beside the cabin. You wondered idly if the boat would still be tied up on the small dock.  When you had last seen it there had been ivy clinging to the side of the cabin, attempting to climb on the stone roofing and the flowerbeds full to the brim with petunias, sunflowers, roses and daisy’s.

You suddenly heard gunfire and it was all you could do not to flinch. The noise reverberated around the forest. You carried on walking even though it sounded like you were walking toward the gun fire. You needed to get to that cabin, and a little bit of gunfire wasn’t going to stop you.

You rounded a sharp turn in the road and saw a tall, lean man stood on top of a grey, paint-chipped van. He had two machine guns slung around his shoulders and he was holding a third in his hands. There were about a dozen walkers surrounding him.

He wore a leather jacket with a white shirt beneath it which had a crimson blood blossoming from his side; his hair was gelled back so you could presume that he had a camp somewhere to be so clean and looked after. He had beige pants on and beside him sat a lethal looking baseball bat which the tip was coated tightly in barbed wire.

You had an internal battle with yourself momentarily about whether you should attempt to save this man that you had never met or if you should just keep walking on your merry way. Finally you made your choice as you saw three more Walkers emerging from the treeline.

Smoothly and swiftly you whipped out a small knife and stabbed it in the closest walker’s frontal lobe. You yanked it out quickly and moved onto the next one; luckily enough for you the man was making enough noise that the dull thud of bodies hitting the ground didn’t register with the dead.

Soon you were close enough to the van for the man on top of it to see that you were not part of the small horde, that you were risking your life to help him out of this sticky situation.

You jerked a knife into the back of a Walker’s skull and it got lodged. You pulled and pulled but the knife was well and truly stuck. You cursed under your breath as two of the dead turned slowly to you and started to trip and stumble toward you. You cursed again as you looked up at the man on the truck.

“Throw me the bat!” You yelled up at him. He stopped firing for a second to look at you in a confused manner, obviously not hearing what you said. “What was that, darlin’?” You heard him yell.

“Throw me the damn bat!” You yelled again as you used your foot to kick one of the Walker’s away from you. Another walker turned to you at the sound of your shouting. You kicked again as you backed away from them. The man bent down and picked up the bat, throwing it to you.

As you caught the bat you felt it graze your hand; you felt hot, wet, blood start to ooze from the cuts. You ignored it as you readied yourself like a baseball player readied oneself before a ball came at them. You swung the bat in both hands and you felt it collide with the first walkers face as the body dropped to the ground. The shooting had started up again and you could see that the amount of walkers was decreasing. As you hit the third Walker in an uppercut with the bat you saw the man mouth something that looked like “That is so fucking hot!”

Soon there was only one Walker left. You kicked out its knees so it fell flat on the ground, groaning. You then pushed the bat down on its frontal lobe so that the face slowly caved in.

“Holy shit, that was so damn badass.” The man said from on top of the van.

“What the hell were you doing?!” You said in an incredulous voice. The man slowly sauntered down the windscreen of the car but when he jumped from the hood he grunted in pain. “What’s that? It’s not a-”

“No, Darlin’ it’s not a bite.” He said as he lifted the side of his shirt to reveal a bullet wound. You walked toward him and laced an arm around his leather jacket. “Hey! Hey! Watch the damn jacket, I didn’t get this for free you know!” He said as he attempted to push you off him, weakly. “Actually, I did get it for free. Being the end of the world and all.” He said in a humours tone.

“Shut up.” You said finally as you half dragged him in the direction of the cabin. “So, where’re we going, Princess?” He said lightly as his hand travelled to the small of your back.

“First of all, don’t call the person who saved your dumb ass, ‘Princess’ and secondly make sure that your hand doesn’t go any lower than that, Dickhead.” You said seriously. You felt him move his hand higher up your back.

“What a lovely nickname!” He said sardonically. “And didn’t answer my question, Darlin’?” He said sweetly.

“A cabin.” You said shortly. You were now deciding whether it had been worth your time saving this tall, annoying man.

“Ooo,” He let out almost a childish gasp. “A sex cabin?” He said innocently. You shook your head and ignored him. “Awh, c’mon, Darlin’. I’m only jokin’ with you.” He said as he nudged you a little.

“It’s up ahead a bit.” You replied. “And I would advise you shut your mouth before I make you shut it.” You said seriously.

“Actually, that sounds pretty arousing.” He said as he looked down at his crotch.

“Shut up.”

***

I hope you enjoyed this! Thank you @perseusandmedusa for giving me the prompt!!!

Have a wonderful day!

[tsunflowers]

ok shape of water spoilers but can I just say

for all the emphasis del toro supposedly put on the creature’s ass there weren’t many super memorable ass shots? and there was no full frontal fish dick!!!!! wheres the director’s cut!!!!! del toro I know you filmed it

[anamericaninmontana]

Score One For Planet Earth!

I don’t think there was any way he could have seen me, I have mastered the art of peeking through my blinds without drawing the least bit of attention to me. I watched him as he went about his unlawful activity, thinking no one was watching his every move.

My jaw dropped as he pushed out small mounds of trash from the floor boards of his late model Japanese shitbox. Hamburger wrappers, plastic packaging, Walmart bags, all thrown to the ground with no regard for the neighborhood you were contaminating.  I went from shock into a Eco-Warrior type anger, even though I’m not an Eco-friendly kind of guy, but this blatant littering seemed to bring out the tree-hugging activist in me. My anger quickly morphed into an old TV commercial I had seen as a kid, I felt like that crying Indian on horseback as I watched the garbage of the white man litter my sacred grounds.

I began to debate my options, should I channel the crying Indian on horseback and run out there and scalp her? Should I channel my passive-aggressive side and friend him on Facebook then post a status about littering and how it is a crappy thing to do without directly addressing him?

Now I know for a fact he threw out some McDonalds McCrap wrappers so let’s take a moment and tally up the Eco-Score. Number of points accumulated for harming the environment (7) a few of those McCrap wrappers might make their way into our local drinking water source (you never know) And points for making my neighborhood look like it’s a street in Detroit (11). I recently read an article that said it can take up to 1000 years for one Walmart bag to totally decay, that seems like a long ass time to me. I was hoping to get that trash picked up before then. And also I need to tack on some points for making me get angry and emotional turn into the crying Indian dude, nobody likes to see a grown-ass man cry (20) points. Oh and let’s add a few penalty points for making me spy on him like a weird creeper (4) points. So let’s add that up, that’s (42) points that Asshole earned so far, on the Eco-Score chart that makes him a Enviro-Terrorist, I will be making a call to Homeland security when this is all over with.

It was time to act, enough with the point system, it was time I go score some points for Mother Nature. I decided the best course of action would be to write an angry letter and tape it to his car. I had a real struggle on how to address it, is  “Dear Shithead, I Saw You Litter, You Repulse Me”  to harsh of an opening address?  But I looked out my window again and saw those McCrap wrappers laying there, so I re-worked my opening address and used a word that could only be re-produced in most media outlets with symbols, such as #,@,!!,and %...Yeah I went full frontal profanity on his ass!

So for the next 22 minutes I really broke new ground in my liberal use of profanity and sarcasm, it was truly an Epic rant, I was bewildered as to where these Eco-emotions were coming from. Perhaps I was feeling a sense of social-responsibility hoping my actions could right a wrong and make our society function smoothly again. I pounded my fist on the table and muttered to myself  “Respect my neighborhood and I will Respect you” I felt spiritually enlightened, somehow writing all these profane words was releasing so much pent up angst. I don’t usually use profanity in my everyday life, I find it to be the words of the weak, I always thought using  “bigger”  words was a sign of strength, but dammit this felt good.

I could actually feel the sweat pour from my forehead, it burned my eyes, or was I crying again? Was that damn Indian channeling me?  Were these words his words? No…this had to be me, this was my fight, not his. As I continued to scribble my words down, I knew deep down I was standing up for something worth standing for. I imagined this is how the founding fathers felt when they signed the Declaration of Independence, or perhaps when Bruce became Caitlyn.

After 3 hours, my little letter was literary perfection. I think one day historians will look back on this document as the textbook example of how angry neighbors should correspond with one another to solve their differences. I neatly folded this Epic rant on parchment, gently placed it in an envelope and symbolically sealed it in wax, using my family crest ring to give the symbolic wax an heir of regal nobility. (Yeah, so licked it with my fat tongue to seal it) the deed was done. All I can say is welcome to Shamesville Asshole, population…You!

My neighbor had left while I was working on the document, so I quickly ran over shoved it into the seal on his front door, it would be impossible to miss, I only hoped he would stand there and read it on his porch so I could see his reaction. In my mind I played it over and over, he would read it, then turn around looking to see if anyone was watching, he would lower his head in shame, and slowly walk out to where his garbage was strewn and collect it up in shame. Oh, and he was crying, lots of crying.

I watched out my window for my neighbors return, but he must have been in town, collecting more garbage, it was taking forever. So I got bored, so occupied my time painting crappy little fish and other things. But later I saw his car coming down the road, so I quickly ran to take my spot to watch the drama unfold. I watched him get out of his car, he was carrying more Walmart bags, this guy must be one of the people of Walmart or something, anyways I glanced over at the door where I placed the letter…It was gone? What the hell? My masterpiece was missing, where could it have gone? I watched him coolly walk into his house without being confronted by my letter of Eco-Justice. All that work, all that profanity, for nothing. All I can think of is the wind must have blown it away, Mother Nature screwed this up I thought, she is to blame. So in a tantrum I grabbed a few sheets of paper towel and open my front door and threw them into the wind…Screw It!!

[brandnewman-madedisaster]

hey everyone so what the fuck do you when u message ur fuckbuddy all sexy n shit ready to send bomb ass nudes and he goes

“Oh hi, umm can I get a full frontal and back possibly”

BOY THIS AIN’T FUCKIN MCDONALD’S. CAN I GET YOU A FILET O FISH W THAT.

I sent bomb nudes anyways but run wild w his inexperience.